"ANGER"

The next thing we will be working on is anger. As a sidelight that you might find interesting, let me give you a little background into the writing of these lessons and the teaching of the classes. These were not subjects that I picked, but were picked by my higher self along with my spirit guides. I know what to write about because things start happening to direct me.

I communicate with my spirit guides at all times, but as always the best lessons learned are those experienced. Therefore, every time a new chapter is introduced it is done so through experience. For instance the chapter on love was written during a time one of my children was going through a "love relationship" break-up. The very things I wrote about were the things I was having to deal with trying to explain the feelings and helping them to learn the lesson and cope with the pain (at least I didn't have to go through it personally....not that I haven't before).

Now that it is time to write the chapter on anger everyone around me, including myself, seems to be displaying it. This is one of the reasons that I am absolutely sure that I have to sit down and write immediately, because it is not an emotion I like to keep around me.

What is anger? Well, this time I will spare all of us and not give a long dictionary description. Anger is something different to everyone, however, there are certain characteristics that are the same for everyone. For instance; when some people get angry they see red, some people feel a heat rising from their neck to the top of their head; some people feel a need to strike out in order to release the feeling (I don't think I want to be around those kind of people, but what they literally are doing is releasing that anger in the only way that they know how); some people get a sinking feeling in the pit of their stomach accompanied with nausea and a headache; others feel a rush of adrenaline (there's that feeling cropping up again) and literally feel invincible. Anger is manifested in different ways in different people, but one thing is for sure it is not a boring feeling and the system reacts accordingly. It is like giving your system mega doses of sugar or coffee. Once the moment is gone most of us feel like we could be wrung out like a wet mop. All of the energy just seems to flow out of your body at once and you feel weak and tired.

There are times when anger feels good. I don't know for sure if it is because of the adrenaline rush or the release of the anger, but there is actually a moment when it feels good. It kind of reminds me of when you have an itch and you first start scratching it. At first the scratching feels really good, but if you keep scratching pretty soon it starts to hurt and when you have finished scratching the pain takes over and it hurts for a long time. You see you have now made an open sore by scratching too hard and too long. Anger kind of works that way.

A person becomes angry and reacts whatever way is normal for them; which could be anything from shutting up and walking away to screaming hollering and telling the person off (no violence because no matter what that is not an acceptable release of anger and needs to be dealt with differently). After the initial outburst one of two things happens; either the person now feels validated and is through with the matter, feeling that it is resolved as far as they are concerned, or the person holds onto the anger and adds it to the pot to simmer. You see my philosophy is that in our minds we have a kitchen. In this kitchen is a stove with a large pot of boiling water just boiling away. Each time someone makes us angry or hurts our feelings if we do not deal with it immediately and get rid of it; we add it to our pot. You see anger does not go away by itself. We can hide it, we can ignore it, we can deny its existence, but unless we have dealt with it....oops there it is.

Let me explain; when you have not dealt with your feelings you add them to that boiling pot and when you have added more than the pot can hold it boils over burning everyone standing too close to the stove (which is you and anyone within ten feet of you at the time).

If you don't believe this think back to the last fight you had. Was it over the cap being left off the toothpaste? How about drinking out of the milk container? Dirty underwear lying around? The newspaper left open and out of order? Are you beginning to get the picture. I could go on and on and I am sure if I went far enough I could find one that would definitely be familiar.

You see we each have our own trigger mechanisms that we set up for ourselves. It is our way of dealing with our anger without bringing out the true issue. These triggers are okay as long as we realize before things go too far that the reason we are angry truly has nothing to do with the toothpaste, grease on the towel or socks on the floor. Sit back before you speak, and I know this is a tough one, so get somewhere alone to make it easier, and think about what you are really angry about then deal with that issue. Sometimes it isn't just one thing, but a build up of things that you have let go for too long. You will find that even with the build up there is always an underlying cause.

For instance; if someone has left the cap off the toothpaste, drank out of the milk container, left their socks on the floor or complained because you ran out of groceries the reason your angry has nothing to do with the "things they did", but what you feel the attitude is behind it. If they did all these things knowing they upset you, (which how could they help not know since you have told them at least a dozen times) but continue to do them then that means that they don't care about you and choose to either ignore your feelings or they are trying to make you angry. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the reaction that we forget to look for the reasoning behind the action to begin with.

Let me interject here that this is a never ending process and as long as we are alive we are going to feel emotions (you don't die when the body does so that means eternity) and there is nothing wrong with feeling them (it makes you feel alive) it is how you act, rather than react, toward them that is a constant work in progress. No one becomes above them, because when you do you are no longer on this plane. There will be times when you can handle it better than others. The times that you don't handle it well at all tells you that there is a lesson tied up in that emotion that you haven't learned.

Let's talk now about the feelings that play into this emotion of anger. One of the big culprits for me is frustration. I have grown children still living at home who are now technically adults, so I can not tell them what to do anymore and it is very difficult to stand back and watch them make terrible mistakes without being able to stop them. This is true frustration. Anytime you have a situation that you feel uncomfortable about, but know that you have absolutely no impact on, can cause frustration. We all feel a lot more comfortable with the frustration that comes from not being able to learn something quickly, because we can change that. We have direct control on it and it is a temporary frustration that you have an impact on.

Even these frustrations teach us valuable lessons. I have learned to let go of my children, be supportive, but allow them to make their own mistakes and live their own lives (and that wasn't an easy lesson when both of them still live at home). I get a similar kind of frustration when people come to me for counseling and after listening to their problems and spending hours counseling with them they leave and don't take one piece of advice I have given them; then come back complaining of the same problems. There again I learn how to let go, do the best I can and realize for the umpteenth time that the only person I can change is me.

These are just a couple of my frustrations I am sure that each of you have your own special set, and like mine they are there for a reason. Find out what the reason is; what lesson is there to be learned? Get to the bottom of the problem and you will find that the solution was staring you in the face all along. This is not to say that this will be the end of it, when you need the lesson refreshed because you are not living it (even though technically you know it), the anger will rear right back up again.

Okay now we have established that frustration; either with yourself, someone else, or the circumstances, is a major contributor to anger. What other feelings contribute to this. One of the major contributors is not a feeling at all but the all important id; you got it EGO. Whoa, we all have one but when it gets bruised or challenged fur will fly and it usually won't be your own.

Beware sometimes anger is like a thief in the night. It will totally catch you unaware and what you mistake for hurt feelings is really an underlying anger. If someone hurts your feelings you may feel sad and cry. Even after they have apologized the words that were said cannot be taken back, but hang in your memory forever. There are also times when someone hurts you and you tell them about it, but you know in your heart that nothing is going to change because they still don't understand or seem to care which gives a deep seated anger that can carry with you for a lifetime or more.

The biggest problems in relationships dealing with anger seem to come between men and women. I guess it is the age old problem of men and women not being on the same wavelength, but yet trying to deal with each other as though they were. What a woman takes as insensitivity may just be a question of ignorance on the part of the man. Even when the male is told that he is inconsiderate and why he very rarely changes. The conclusion I have come to (right, wrong or indifferent) is that with most guys it goes back to an EGO thing.

I am not sure that they are even aware of it on a conscious level, but it is similar to the way some women withhold sex to punish a man, men withhold consideration to punish the woman. Examples are forgetting birthdays, holidays or worse yet remembering them but buying stupid gifts without any thought put into what the woman might want or what her interests are. Let me give you a little tip guys; pay attention to your mate and life will go much more smoothly. Listen to what she has to say, what she likes and doesn't like. Men always say that women don't come right out and tell them what they want, but somehow expect them to know. These are the same guys who can recite Babe Ruth's batting average, but don't know their wife's favorite color.

Women tell men all the time what they like and don't, but guys have a tendency to tune it out. It goes back to true listening to someone other than yourself. Don't feel superior ladies we do the same thing. How many of those batting averages do you have memorized and when was the last time you did something for your mate, not because you were getting any enjoyment out of it, but just to give him enjoyment.

Ego out of control (remember we all have one and it is a very necessary part of our existence that plays an important role in our successes in life) can cause anger in the work place as well as in relationships (as mentioned above). We will get into EGO more thoroughly when it gets a chapter all too itself, however, for now I would just like to touch on the problems it can cause in regard to anger. You can see above how many situations (just to name a very few) can be affected and cause anger by ego in a relationship. It is no different in the workplace. All of you who have bosses that you like (legitimately and be true to yourself here; being your own boss doesn't count) and don't feel they are jerks raise your hand. I think we all get the point. The word boss or manager in itself puts the ego right under thumb. That is to intimate that we need managing and bossing around. No self respecting ego can be happy with this for long; and I am sure that all of you by now have figured out ways you could do your bosses' job better and how stupid he really is, but who are you to say after all he is just the boss.

I don't think that there is anyone I have ever spoken to who hasn't been angry with their boss at one time or another. The bottom line to whatever disputes come to EGO. I don't care if he is stupider than you, the corporation paying for your time to be at that job gives them the right to put anyone they want in charge. As a result if you simplify all altercations it still comes down to EGO. This can cause much anger and resentment. As a sidelight anger usually leads to resentment rather than the other way around.

Let's spend a moment on a underlying cause that just seems to be cropping up in paragraph after paragraph. Can you find the hidden cause (I'm only kidding...... for a moment I think I was starting to sound like a game show so I thought I would ask the $64,000 question)? Seriously though it is up there in plain sight; lack of control. When you have a situation; circumstance; person or just general feeling of no control it can cause intense anger. The reason for this anger is two-fold; l) we have great fear over things we can't control; 2) we have a sense of helplessness and being a victim.

Outside of relationships let's take a moment to explore a lack of control and see what feelings it brings up;

I am sure that if you give it some thought you can think of many more instances in your life when you have felt out of control and helpless; these are only some of the major ones that have come to mind and I feel need exploring further. Don't worry the same formula that you use to deal with the ones above you can use to deal with any others' that you come up with.

Before we get into the formula for controlling anger, which will come at the very end of this chapter, let's deal with contagious anger. There are people in this world who just seem to be angry at life in general. If you have ever been around these people you know exactly what I am talking about. If you haven't had the pleasure of meeting one of these people consider yourself lucky, but be prepared because before you die you probably will. These people just seem to walk around with a black cloud over their heads. Even the simple pleasures of life like a sunset, sunrise or the beauty of the landscape take on a whole new meaning when seen through the eyes of this type of person. They are generally negative and will jeer at things that most of us hold dear. This type of person has for some reason stepped over the line of reason and gone to an extreme. There are a variety of reasons why this happens; anything from very bad karma in a previous life to a very important lesson that needs to be learned in this lifetime. Unfortunately some people die like this and have to come back to work it out.

There are ways to help these people and if you know of anyone like this and would like to help them the key is in helping them to see one tiny spot of beauty. If they can perceive beauty and take it in it will widen their perspective and help them to see that life is never just one way. As good as life can be is as bad as life can be and the person who makes it good or bad is the individual. You are in charge of your own destiny, even if you give up control that is still your choice and you are still the one in control because you can take control back whenever you want to.

Being around these people is not pleasant and you will find that they not only can bring down your good mood, but the whole room they are in. You will find yourself getting irritated and moody, without knowing why. Your circumstances have not changed but your mood definitely has and as you leave you are driving home wondering what you are so angry about and why. If you are like most people you don't study it for too long, but let go of it as you start to feel better.

The more common contagious anger is just being around someone who is not angry all of the time, but has just gotten angry and it seems to be pouring out of every pore of their body. Not only do you feel uncomfortable and negative around this person, but you start to actually feel angry. What generally happens is that you start discussing something with this person (and we each have our very special topics that we get real passionate about) which you know gets you angry and before you know it both of you are having a heated discussion. Even more common when you are around this person all you really want to do is get away from them.

I'm not going to get too in depth in this chapter, but for a minute let's think about feelings and emotions. When a person is happy and in a good mood it seems to attract happiness around them. People who talk with them end up laughing and in a generally good mood, even if they weren't in one before they started talking. However, we don't tend to notice that as much as we do when we get around someone negative who puts us in a bummer of a mood and makes us angry or just feel bad. There are people who can do this with a smile on their face, because they are so used to living in a negative world it is now the only one they know.

When I was growing up I came from a staunch European family and all the old people (when your five anyone over 40 is old) loved to sit and gossip. The funny thing you learn about gossip when you are five is that no one has anything nice to say. Visit after visit, week after week, year after year all you hear is negative remarks. You begin to think that nothing good ever happens in anyone's life, is it any wonder yours is so grim?

The very sad thing is that this is a way that a person can get used to living and not even realize that there is anything wrong with it. They surround themselves with people who feel the same way and then are cocooned from the rest of the world. They feel safe and secure with this. That is why soap operas have all been so popular and now the talk shows are popular. Put enough of other people's unhappiness on display and no matter how bad your life is, it still is not as bad as their's.

We will get into gossiping in another chapter, but for now let's concentrate on the passage of the anger. It has gone from one person in a room clear around the whole room being passed from one to another like a cold, except it has been feeding and growing with each person it has been passed to. In the old days before we became a "civilized" society if people gathered together over some tragedy and one rabble rouser who was angry started spreading that anger the crowd could be incited to riot or even hang someone. Now these were the same people who went to church on Sunday and believed in the golden rule and if you took any one of them individually aside they wouldn't have even considered killing someone, but as a group feeding off of the anger of one anything is possible. There is a name for this it is called mob mentality; what it basically comes down to is a group of people feeding off an emotion; whether it be anger, love, or just the adrenaline rush of excitement caused by that much energy being concentrated in one area.

I doubt in your lifetime if you will ever encounter anything of this nature, but it is always possible. Just look out for people who are angry and make sure you are not feeding off of their anger and accepting it as your own. Always stop and analyze why you are angry and who you are angry with.

Along the same lines; we talked earlier about the pot in your head that is on the stove boiling and what happens when it boils over. The thing I want to talk about a little more in depth is who gets burned when the pot boils over. The innocent are usually the first to get burned. It is kind of like the old cliche "where's a cop when you need one"; certainly not ready to give the guy a ticket who just cut you off and nearly caused an accident. However, the moment you pull away from the curb without your seat belt on watch out (it usually isn't quite that bad, but sometimes it just seems that way). The point is the same thing holds true for anger. Once the pot starts boiling over it doesn't stop until enough of the water has been let out.

This generally means that the person is mad at the whole world and whoever is in their world at the time of this anger is going to feel it, deserved or not. The person may even realize at the time that they aren't being fair, but actually feel unable to stop themselves. I am sure we have all had times like these (I know I have).

It is very difficult to be around people when they are going through this, especially if you love the person (let's face it your not going to care or stick around if you don't). The best thing is to back off and let them get it out of their system without your reacting to it. This is not always easy, in fact sometimes it seems downright impossible (anyone who has ever raised teenagers will know what I am talking about). You feel the pain and anguish that comes with their anger, but you must let them experience it because there is a lesson to be learned that can't be learned without it. Unfortunately all of us at one time or another seem to put ourselves in places where the only way we can learn is through the pain. It gives a whole new meaning to "no pain no gain".

Relationships seem to be the worst culprits as far as anger and pain. Usually by the time you get to this point of anger in a relationship you have no control over the relationship, so you have the added frustration of being out of control with what seems like a no win situation and no way back into control. The control and answers are there you just have to work your way through the pain and anger to find them. Sometimes ending a relationship is the only way to grow and get on with your life. This too can be very difficult as you make the decision between doing what you know is right for you and the other person, or giving into your emotions and doing what will feel good for the moment. This is the reason that couples get together, break up, get together, break up.......... Unfortunately in the end they usually break up, but not before they have made each other suffer a great deal.

Dealing with the anger and frustration of standing by and watching the ones you love go through this is a lesson in itself; especially since that person is lashing out at you over their upset rather than the person they are upset with (whom you absolutely despise by this time). Always remember that you can't change anyone but yourself and you can only feel the pain that is meant for you. Feeling the other person's pain is not going to remove any of it from them, but actually add to their suffering (remember how anger feeds on itself and others, the same holds true for pain). Pain, suffering and anger usually go hand and hand with the order depending on the person and where they are in the cycle.

People have often asked me how to control anger. They have also expressed a concern about being able to live their life without anger. I don't know if I would want to live a life without emotion. I think it would be boring and devoid of feeling at all. We are all going to get angry at one time or another no matter how much we think we are in control. However, always remember that if you are not in control of that anger, then it is in control of you. Anger can eat you up inside, change your entire disposition and control the outcome of your life if you let it. This is not a mind trip or game that you are playing, because if you believe anything to be true then for you it is. Do not use excuses for being out of control and blame others for provoking you. The reasons are as limitless as the excuses and the bottom line is if you are not in control then who is? Do your emotions rule you? If the answer is yes then anyone from off the street can control you just by knowing which buttons to push.

When we control our emotions we truly control our lives. Always remember this (and I can't emphasize it enough) ANGER DESTROYS ONLY YOU. The following are a few examples; see if you can find yourself in any of them;

EXAMPLE A;

Mary is on her way to work. She is ten minutes late leaving the house because her alarm didn't go off on time and the traffic is very heavy. All of a sudden the car to the left of her cuts her off with no warning. Mary becomes instantly angry and starts to fume and lecture the person in the other car (even though they can't hear her); she decides to teach them a lesson and tailgate getting as close as she dare without ever really hitting them. What Mary really wants to do is catch up to them and roll down her window and tell them off. In the midst of her upset over trying to catch this car Mary has missed her exit and now ends up being 20 minutes late for work rather than ten.

This scenario played out to extremes can end up with someone getting pulled over at a stop sign and literally beat-up or one step further actually shot (in California this has happened on the freeway and as a result no motorist feels safe).

Let's take this apart and look at what has happened. In the first place Mary has taken out her anger and frustration of being late on the person who cut her off. Surely their action was inconsiderate and perhaps even dangerous, but very assuredly it was not done to upset Mary or get back at her in any way. This will not stop Mary from going into the office upset and acting accordingly all day. Every little thing will now irritate her and add to her overall anger. Everyone that comes in contact with her during the day will feel this sense of upset, even if she is not actually snapping at them. When she goes home this will carry over into her night with her family.

Did Mary have a right to get upset? The answer is yes. If Mary did not get a little upset she wouldn't be human. The reason a person gets upset in traffic has very little to do with the other person actually getting ahead of you, but the fact that they scared you and put your life in danger for no reason other than to get ahead of you. That explains the initial response, but what happens after that is totally up to you. The person was at least rude, but what does that have to do with you? They don't know you and probably don't even realize that they have upset you because they are living in their own selfish little world. You getting angry with them has absolutely no effect on them whatsoever (unless you are one of those people totally out of control and pull them over and beat them up or shoot them), however, you have allowed them to come into your life and dictate how your day and evening will go.

You see each of us controls our anger to some degree or we would all still be carrying guns and just kill whoever annoyed us. Looking at today's society that list could be very long; from the bank teller to the grocery clerk. What we are trying to do is fine tune that control, so that you get total control over your life. The first step to control is seeing the situation for what it truly is. The person who cut you off is not to blame for your being late and at this point the blame is unimportant. The important thing is getting to work as quickly and safely as possible. Look for the lesson to learn in the situation and let that occupy your mind rather than your anger. Maybe the lesson is something as simple as going to bed earlier; setting two alarm clocks; buying a new alarm clock or learning to deal with a stressful situation.

Here is a good tip to remember. BLAME IS USELESS AND DESTRUCTIVE UNLESS IT BRINGS ABOUT POSITIVE CHANGES! With your mind occupied with learning the lesson you will have very little time to concentrate on the anger. A lot of times we can actually reason the anger away and when we do this we are controlling the emotional part of ourselves and listening to the rational side. After all in this situation in particular how many of us who drive can say we don't ever make mistakes. There are times for all of us when our minds wander and we are in our own little worlds with no thought as to what is going on around us. There are also drivers who drive this way as part of their life and have no idea how annoying and dangerous it is. Your anger, however, cannot change their driving habits so why waste all that energy and emotion?

EXAMPLE B:

John has worked all day and is mentally exhausted. His wife has called him at the office and asked him to stop at the store to pick up some groceries for dinner. When he reaches the store he is already in a bad mood. His day has not gone well and he resents having to shop after working all day, even though his wife works too and he would feel guilty to refuse. John is not really familiar with the store so it takes him longer than he anticipated to get the items and head for the express lane.

There are four people in front of John in line and while he is waiting to check out he finds himself counting the items in each of their baskets, only to discover that the person two ahead of him in line has twenty items instead of ten. Obviously he is not going to just observe this and go merrily on his way, after all he has spent a good three to four minutes counting all of these items and it wasn't easy from where he stood.

John stands there now seething with anger (and now he has that all important target) not saying a word, but giving the guilty individual the dirtiest look he can muster and repeatedly sighing and shaking his head. The longer John stands there the angrier he becomes (especially when one of the items of the guilty party has to have a price check). He is now trying to think of his best course of action. Should he point out to the clerk and the customer that they are in the inappropriate line, or should he just wait for his turn in line and tell the checked off in a loud voice so her supervisor can hear him?

By the time John checks out he is so angry he says nothing but quickly pays for his groceries and stomps out of the store, seething all the way home. He and his wife have a fight, dinner is ruined and he ends up sleeping on the couch.

This may seem extreme, but I assure you it happens. Maybe you are the one in a million person who doesn't count the items in someone elses' basket in line when you are in a hurry, so you can't relate to poor John, or maybe you have a different reaction to the same set of circumstances, which is also negative. The point is, all of us are petty at one time or another, especially when we are already upset and need a target to focus our anger on that can't hurt us or the ones we love (or so we think).

Just talking about the anger and frustrations and acknowledging the emotions will be a step in controlling them in the future. I am not talking about running home and telling your spouse about the terrible jerk who got in the express line with 20 items. I will admit that this is irritating, mainly because there are people in the world who live their whole lives breaking the rules, which seems unfair to those of us who abide by them. All I can say to this is loosen up, life is too short to sweat the little things (and you can make yours much shorter by sweating the little things; which is what high blood pressure thrives on). The thing you want to talk to your spouse about (when you are calm and not angry) is the fact that you don't like stopping after work for groceries because you are tired and stressed out. Maybe you both can work out an alternative; like shopping on the weekends or going out to dinner when you are too stressed just to get away from the routine. If these feelings are not dealt with they will bring about anger that is carried over into dinner, the evening and perhaps the rest of your relationship (especially if you haven't gotten them out but instead thrown them into your boiling pot).

You might laugh and take this boiling pot lightly, but listen the next time you hear a couple argue. The things they bring out once in a really heated argument are not what they had for dinner, but what their mate did three weeks ago, months or even years ago and are still doing that drives them crazy. These are all unresolved issues that are added to the pot. There is a way to deal with these. Turn off the fire and empty the pot. Wait until the pot becomes cool or you will both get burned.

When I was growing up my parents had small fights, usually over us kids, but I can never remember them staying angry with one another. My mother had a very important rule for her marriage and that was that the sun would not set on her anger. No matter what the disagreement my parents never went to bed angry with each other, or anyone else for that matter. I have adapted this in my life (not always successfully because my spouse tends to fall asleep while I am trying to work it out). The lesson I have learned from this is that when I am not successful and go to bed angry I have a very bad night and I wake up angrier then when I went to bed. I know this works different for some people (my husband for instance can go to bed mad and wake up happy, having completely dismissed his anger while he slept).

Again to gain control we must examine the reasoning. First of all no one can make you angry, only you can do that. Secondly you were angry before you ever walked through the door and subconsciously you were looking for an outlet to that anger. You have control you can move to another line, go to another store and a myriad of things in-between to get out of this situation, if it is truly the situation that is upsetting you.

As far as the person in the line; there are many reasons why they could end up in that line anything from lack of being able to read, to counting ten ears of corn as one item, to being at the back of the line and not seeing the sign until they had already been in line for ten minutes and then not wanting to move (don't laugh this has happened to be before). Another obvious one is that some people play by their own rules and get great delight out of breaking the rules. Somehow it feels like they are living on the dangerous side and they get an adrenaline rush just to see if they can get by with it. The point is that whatever their reason don't waste your time worrying about it; YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF, so take control and do something positive about it.

Speaking of the positive there are some good lessons to be learned here. One could be patience and learning to stop and look around you rather than being in such a big hurry. Another is learning understanding of your fellow human being and compassion for the clerk whose job it is to put up with people like your friend in front of you and then take the anger from people like you because you had to wait. Look for other meanings rather than thinking that the world is out to get you and everything people say and do have some reflection on you.

If you allow this incident to destroy your evening or even give you one moment of grief then you are allowing a complete stranger to rule your life. You probably wouldn't even invite this person home for dinner, so why would you invite them into your home to ruin your evening with your family and friends?

I hope that by this time you are starting to get the picture of how we can hurt ourselves and make ourselves miserable just by allowing anger to creep into our lives and stay there. One important control factor, which will help on any occasion is to look for the lesson learned, knowing that the experiences was well worth the inconvenience if you learned something from it.

Always remember NEGATIVITY BREEDS NEGATIVITY BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE REACT RATHER THAN ACT. If you start to feel angry or nervous stop and find out why. Sometimes things are going on that we are not aware of on the conscious level. Your subconscious knows but your conscious mind has not stopped to pay attention. Sometimes it could be something as simple as music playing that is simply annoying (music lovers don't write to me no one loves music more than I do and I love most kinds, however, there are times when you are just not in the mood for whatever it is that is playing; like acid rock I am not in the mood for most of the time). It could be as simple as removing yourself from the sound. Remember even when your mind is a million miles away your five senses are still reacting to the atmosphere around you.

Anger comes in many different forms and no two people act exactly the same in any given situation, however, the similarities would amaze you. We all have the feeling at one time or another in our lives that we are the only ones going through a particular situation and as such no one else could possibly understand what we are going through. In a way this is true because even though people all go through the same lessons at one time or another each person is unique and deals with the situation in their own unique way. Wouldn't it be wonderful though if we could learn from what others have gone through in situations without having to actually experience them for ourselves. I don't know about you but as for me there are certain situations I could live very nicely without and would rather learn the lesson by watching others. You see it can be done, we don't have to learn each lesson by actually experiencing each feeling, but can learn in a combination of experience and empathy for others going through the experience.

Every lesson that has been learned has been written about through history. There are no new stories, only different perspectives on an old theme. Anger has been around since the beginning of time, as has love. The main problem is that people don't try to understand anger because they feel it is a negative emotion and don't want to dwell on it. They feel that if they don't acknowledge it then it will merely go away. As I am sure you have already experienced in your own life this is as far from the truth as you can get. Only by acknowledging, dealing with and understanding can we control our anger and not allow it to turn into other feelings that are even more destructive such as revenge, resentment and finally hatred.

Anger will be with you for the rest of your life, it is how you deal with it that will determine how you live your life. Even not dealing with it is a form of dealing with it.

This will conclude the chapter on anger, but it will be mentioned in other chapters in how it relates to different emotions and feelings that we will be going through. Whether you react to anger through: violence, tears, angry words, running away, sleeping, drugs, drinking or verbally attacking, just remember that you are REACTING instead of ACTING. You are allowing someone elses words, actions or feelings to control your life, while you react to them. Control is the key and acting rather than reacting opens the door to your control center. On the other hand putting off the anger only makes it worse and can turn it into something even uglier, so deal with your anger in the following manner.

The homework for this chapter should begin now and go on for the rest of your life, but for now give it at least two weeks (we have to start out with baby steps, always remember any journey is begun with the first step). This homework will sound easy, but do not be fooled the simplest things in life are the hardest.

HOMEWORK;

Stop yourself everytime you become angry, look at the true reason behind your anger, analyze it and think before you speak or react to any situation. Always remember the only one that you hurt with anger is yourself, so learn to be good to yourself. Don't blame anyone for your anger, because then you give up the control. Accept responsibility and work within that framework.

Observe other people when they become angry, but be careful not to react to them even if you feel compelled to do so. Always remember to act rather than react.