"EGO"

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This chapter has required the most from me, as it should, because in my estimation it is the most important chapter in this book. If there is only one chapter that you really read, I would have to say that this should be the one. I don't like to classify chapters, because then many people will skip other lessons that are important to get to the root' of the book. However, if you are one of those people who is going to seek out the root' no matter what; here it is you have found it. If you are one of those people, who flips to the back of the book in order to see how the story ends, you have arrived.

Ego is the final frontier for us humans. It is all that we are, at least what we perceive ourselves to be. It has nothing to do with what other people think of us, though many think it does, but rather what we ultimately think of ourselves. Don't get me wrong, many things go into the making of our egos', including what others think of us (only if we allow what they think to make a great impression upon us). However, ultimately our egos' are our own, very unique, perceptions of ourselves.

People have many names for ego, but whatever name you choose to use makes no difference, because you have now entered the world of YOU. This is you, in every respect of the word. It is the essence of you. It supersedes body, consciousness, or even spirit alone, because it is the culmination of YOU, all parts joined, so to speak, whether you realize it on a conscious level or not.

Do you know who you are, where you have been, where you are going, what you truly think, or most importantly what your idea of direction and ultimate success is on this planet? Not to worry, the ego does. Your ego has been directing and shaping the outcome of your life from day one, whether you are aware of it or not. Are you in touch with your ego? This is a much better question, and one which needs to be answered, but can only be answered by you.

On the physical plane your ego reacts to what it has learned in the past from all experiences, great and small. It also encompasses all perceptions, whether true reality, or fantasy (there is a thin line between these two at times). Everything feeds into the Ego: self esteem, self respect, self worth, belief structure, but most importantly your true opinion of yourself. You see, in the end it matters not what others think of you, only what you think of yourself. You cannot fool the ego, the way you try to fool others, for it will not be hoodwinked with false bravado. It knows every nagging doubt you possess, and the reason's why. It knows when your faith is shaky, and when you are confused, even though to an objective observer you may appear to be self-assured and confident of yourself. When we find ourselves in the above scenario, our ego can cause us to behave in a way that we wouldn't normally, mainly to compensate for these feelings of inadequacy and fear. Yes, the ego knows how to cover up (or so we think) our human weaknesses.

Ego is the reason that we all have so much trouble being happy for other people in our lives who have good fortune visited upon them. If a friend or family member gets a better job that outshines our own, or if they should win the lottery; we are happy for them, but ego is the part of us that stops us from being completely honest with ourselves, or them, about our feelings. It is the part of us that wishes we were the ones getting ahead, because we are sure we deserve it more. Ego stops us from being happy for our friend that is getting married to a wonderful mate, while we are still looking for someone decent to date. This is part of life, just as eating and breathing are. There is nothing abnormal about these feelings, in fact, it would be abnormal if we didn't have these feelings. However, there comes a time to control the ego and not allow ourselves the indulgence of feeling sorry for ourselves, or envying other people, as these feelings are part of what will stop us from reaching the goals we have set for ourselves.

Ego is the cause of dysfunctional relationships. Many times we choose the wrong person, and our ego refuses to allow us to admit we made an error in judgment. We stay in the relationship much longer than we should have, sure that we can change the other person. After all, we rationalize, we love this person and that is all that matters. You see, Ego is what picked that person in the beginning. Many times people pick their partners because of physical appearance, rather than general interests and spiritual bonding. When this happens the egos' of both people in the relationship suffer, but both generally don't want to let go, being sure that things will change. Everything surrounds our freedom of choice. Nothing changes accidentally, but due to whatever choices we make. One of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn, was when to let go and walk away.

On the spiritual plane ego is the cause of many stumbles and ultimate falls. It can slow learning and cause you to stagnate. One of the greatest dangers about becoming aware is that people feel they then know what is right for themselves, and everyone else around them. As a result of this, they leave no room for growth or other perceptions. They get to the point where they do not listen to others, or question themselves, for they are absolutely sure that they have found the one true way'. Some start to pity' others for being so lost, while still others go on a crusade to make sure everyone is turned to their enlightened belief structure'. There is no exchange of ideas for these people, only a burning desire to get their point across.

People who embark on these crusades' try to get others to follow their beliefs. Usually these people attach themselves to a religion, church, or doctrine. The person on the crusade believes that they are helping others by bringing them over to the one true way'. A lot of times this is caused by the humanity' part of us, or what is commonly referred to as the sheep syndrome'. The more people that believe in something, the surer we are that we are right. People do this on all three planes. It is one of the reasons that cults take off so fast, and that television evangelists make so much money.

The reasons for following are simple. By following others we don't have to take responsibility for our actions, but give up responsibility to the leader of our beliefs. People don't have to think for themselves, for everything is laid down in front of them in black and white. Usually very few questions are asked, or answered, (especially for the true zealots) because that would be considered questioning their faith' in the beliefs that have been put forth.

Nowhere along the spiritual path is there room for pride and haughtiness. We can learn from everything if we will just open ourselves up. We can learn from watching a sunset, animals, birds, insects, hearing the wind blow through the trees, or listening to music. There are lessons all around us each and everyday, and if we are truly aware we keep our minds open, and our hearts free of false pride. To feed false pride into the ego causes all the bickering and fighting that we see going on even today among those who are supposed' to be furthermost along the path (at least in their own minds, or is that a legend in their own minds.....hehehe).

On a physical level it is also the reason that people will line up, without knowing why the line has been formed. If you doubt this read about all the studies that have been done on conditioning. They are all sure that because there are so many people doing the same thing, it must be right. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard people say as a defense of their belief; but if so many people believe it how can it be wrong?' It is also, sadly, the reason that normally gentle people can turn a gathering into a mob scene full of violence.

Ego, as with the other emotions, needs to be controlled by YOU. If it is not controlled, then it is in control. This could be dangerous, especially considering that most people have no idea what is going on with the ego. It is what causes you to act, and react, the way you do. It is what causes you to have the outlook you have on the world, and others as a whole. When you consider that our entire perception of this world, universe and spirit are all perceived through the ego; the importance of getting to know your ego, and control it, become self-evident.

Some people will say that ego cannot be controlled. For them the world has become a very scary place indeed, because if we cannot control our egos' then we are being controlled, and are at the mercy of its' will. The jails are full of people who still don't understand what their ego is willing them to do and why.

The good news is that the ego can be controlled in many ways. Sometimes the simplest way to control the ego is merely to open up to new perceptions about the world, but especially about ourselves. The bottom line is that all actions; great and small, must be paid attention to and kept in constant harmony. Always remember, an ego ignored is an ego in control, which means that you are out of control.

When you are in control of the Ego your outlook changes. It is not necessary to correct every little thing you see wrong in someone else, unless there is a purpose for correcting them; such as helping them with their understanding. It is only human nature to immediately have the thought pass through your mind, such as hearing someone use incorrect English, or notice spelling and grammatical errors in a letter. However, what you do about it is what counts. Asking yourself the purpose will be most helpful in ascertaining whether you are informing them of their error out of love and concern for their growth, or because you want to point out to them your superior knowledge on the subject (which usually means that you are trying to show them your superior intelligence in comparison with their own). Some people aren't even aware that they do this. There are people who are obsessive about certain things, whether it be spelling, grammar, personal grooming, raising children, and the list goes on and on, but I think you get the drift.

Since I started writing this book I have had everything criticized from my spelling, grammar to the length of my sentences. As long as you can understand the content of this document, that is all that is important. If for any reason anyone cannot understand what I am saying, due to my English, grammar, or just because they don't necessarily follow my drift, please let me know and I will do my best to explain. However, if it is just because you personally cannot stand to see the error on the page; learn to control your ego and let it go. It is unimportant. Someone once said that there is one important rule to live by; Don't sweat the little things/everything is little....

I want to take a moment to say that I don't mind being corrected. I will say here and now that I am not perfect, in fact I don't believe in perfection. However, if for one moment you are losing the intent of my words because of a spelling error, grammar error, or because you feel I used the wrong punctuation, then you have a problem that you need to deal with. These words are not written for self-edification, but for the sincere purpose of trying to help you along in any way that I can. I make mistakes and I will be the first to admit them. What is important is intent and content. Learn to control ego in this matter, and you will be surprised at how your outlook will change and the patience and understanding that you will not only be able to give to others, but receive in return. It is a two-way street, and just one of the ways you can learn to control ego every day on a regular basis.

Many people don't like the word control, and I have had criticism for using that word in this book. I think that part of their reasoning comes from being raised to believe that we are never in control. We are taught from birth that there is a power much greater than our own controlling our every move and planning our final outcome. Many people enjoy this concept, because it means that they do not have to take responsibility for their actions, or life. Therefore, many have stuck with this belief as an escape from responsibility. It is easier for them to believe that no matter what they do, the outcome has already been decided and will be the same. This leaves them free to float along doing what is easy, and feels good, rather than what is necessarily the right thing. This may seem harsh, but the time for velvet gloves is over. It is time to face yourself, and see just what is there. There is no easy way to do this, and there is no kind way to do it either. You are what you have made yourself. You have created your perceptions through your own free choices. What you have ended up with now is a culmination of all those choices.

Now I am going to say what I consider to be the most important line in this whole book. They are the words that can change a life forever. Please think about them, and what they mean in your life. I am going to capitalize all of them so that they will stand out each and every time you look at this chapter.

THE HARDEST THING YOU WILL EVER HAVE TO CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF, IS YOUR PERCEPTION OF YOU!!!

We sometimes get lost, or sidetracked, along the path of self-realization. When we find ourselves totally out of our element it is usually at a time when we have gone too far on this sidetrack, and the way back is over a very large mountain. It is not impossible to cross that mountain, but it is much harder to walk up hill then down hill, and walking downhill took most of this lifetime.

Most of the time people who have wandered from the path find that they don't have the strength, or energy, to go climbing again. Most of these people just wander aimlessly through the rest of their lifetime. For these people, entertainment (keeping the mind occupied so that time passes) becomes a way of life, but most particularly a way of escape. They go from one thing to another seeking to be kept busy', so they don't have to think about climbing that mountain. This is one of the reasons that the entertainment industry makes the more money than any other business. It supports our country, not only through movie theaters, but television, VCR's, video tapes; you name it and we are the country with the most gadgets, and the most sales of these gadgets.

There is nothing wrong with entertainment, or enjoyment. However, as in all things moderation and intent are what counts. If this entertainment is dulling the mind and spirit, not allowing it to climb the mountain and return to the path, then it has become an obstacle which must be overcome like any other.

It reminds me a little of the old adage when I was in school; "if you can't spell it, you can't look it up in the dictionary for the correct spelling". If you can't see the problem, or our mind is dulled to it, then we can't correct it. Many know that they don't have it right' and feel that there is something missing in their lives, but they are usually looking for the answers in all the wrong' places.

I watched an ant the other night as I contemplated this chapter. The ant started out on the ceiling (at least that is when I spotted it) and walked back and forth, up and down the walls and then back to the ceiling again. Given the size of the ant and our size, I would have to say that to him that ceiling and walls probably looked like the Sahara Desert. No matter what, it would have been a very long and tedious journey (supposing that we could walk on the ceiling upside down and then down walls). The ant never wavered or stopped, investigating all possibilities as it hurried along. It probably realized that it was running out of time on its hunt for nourishment, and that if it didn't find food or water soon it would perish.

After contemplating the ant's fate, I realized that there were very few options left open for this ant. No matter what, because of its' choices its' death was imminent. The ant had lost its way, and was becoming more frantic and disoriented with each step and turn. It had crisscrossed its' path many times, and now was basically traveling in circles, each getting smaller. I thought of capturing the ant and putting it outside, but realized that this would only further disorient it, unless I was able to find the particular colony it came from. Finally, I woke my husband beside me (he is a very kind understanding soul; has to be to put up with me....hehehe) and had him dispose of the ant. It seemed the kindest thing to do under the circumstances.

You might wonder what the lesson is in this story. It is different for each, but for me it brought home the point that through its' own choices the ant had traveled so far out of its' element it could not survive, nor find its' way back home. It died searching, confused and alone, frantic with anxiety. How many people die the same way and for the same reasons.

The ant's purpose was noble. It was scouting for food for the rest of the colony. The ant's life had purpose, as it taught me a valuable lesson, even though it never reached its' ultimate goal. The ant searched valiantly, and learned valuable lessons along the way. Its' life forms a continuing cycle of growth and learning, until the final lesson absorbs us all.

How many people die scouting for themselves, yet never find what is right there all along. The life span of the ant was not important, only what was accomplished. As in all things, trying did not count in the end. The ant will have to continue on its' cycle of learning until all the lessons are learned.

You see, we each have plenty of time to accomplish our purpose. We waste much time on sleeping (I am not talking about physically going to bed at night and sleeping, but lulling your mind to sleep). Television, and the entertainment industry are not our only sleeping pills. There are sports of all kinds, pta meetings, and many activities that can keep us running day and night if we allow it. Add into that the mind numbing alcohol and drugs, and it is no wonder that our society is in the condition it is today.

Change does not come through sleep, but through awake and alert decisions being made from a well informed and thinking mind. It is very difficult to make an informed decision while you are otherwise occupied. Many people think that they can do many things at once, and perhaps they can, but without something being given total attention it will not be your best effort.

You might ask; why would I want to change, I like things pretty much the way they are, because they are comfortable? This feeling appears on all three planes of existence, and is experienced by most people at one time or another in their growth. In order for anything to grow, change is required. A flower starts out as a seed or a bulb. You wouldn't be able to admire the beauty of a flower, or smell its sweet scent, if it remained a seed or a bulb. In fact seeds and bulbs are not very attractive at all.

Babies are absolutely adorable, and even the simplest gesture on their part is considered cute, and at the very least brilliant beyond their years. However, if you take that same child even two years down the road and they are still at the same level they were at birth we immediately realize there is a problem. It is no longer cute or brilliant, and the parents will be worried and taking the child in for testing to determine the problem.

When we are traveling down the path, and we are learning to meditate, most people experience great difficulty. I like to refer to meditation levels as floors, with your mind in the elevator traveling up or down, depending on your style of meditation. When most people arrive at the first floor they experience total relaxation, falling asleep before anything can really be investigated. When the second floor is reached, there is total quiet and the mind is being taught to concentrate, and not allow physical or mental interruptions. When the third floor is reached, there is a sudden burst of peace and understanding. This is a very comfortable floor, and the peace that is experienced makes it hard to want to get back into the elevator. However, unless we get back into the elevator and move on we cannot grow spiritually.

What I am trying to say above, is that without growth on all three planes; spiritual, mental, and physical, we stagnate and experience various difficulties because the spirit, mind and body are trying to grow, and being held back for some reason.

You might ask where Ego comes into play with all this? Ego is all that we are. If we are being held back on any plane we can look directly to Ego to get the answer as to why. If you don't feel that you want to change, again go to Ego to find out why.

There is no security in this lifetime, and once we understand that change becomes inevitable. The moment that this body is born it starts dying. Learning and experiencing, recording and contributing, are the only things that last forever. The only thing that we can be sure of is that every action, thought, intent of the heart and change are being recorded.

When you are examining your Ego, and all that you are, don't waste your time on the punishment/reward' issues, but look for lessons learned. Many people do acts of kindness for the wrong reasons. The reward they seek will not be there at the end of the rainbow, and this can cause much bitterness. The reward of doing right is right. The greatest reward is the lesson you learn from doing right and the way it changes your life, by changing your perspective.

On the flip side, many people get caught up in feeling guilty about their past and wanting to make amends. Most of the time this in itself is a cop-out because they can't figure out how to make amends for things done 20 years ago, so they just forget it and continue to feel guilty. No one benefits from this, and once we understand that it is only important to learn the lesson; an opportunity will arise to test the strength of that lesson learned at a later time (sooner than you might think most times...hehehe).

The other part of the punishment phase comes when we don't feel that we can forgive others for what we perceive they have done to us in our past. As a result, we blame everyone from our parents to our fourth grade teacher for the ills that have befallen us. If only we had been more understood, less abused, appreciated more, encouraged more, or rewarded for our obvious achievements; our lives would have turned out differently. HELLOOOOO...time to wake-up and smell reality. You picked what family you would be born into, what circumstances arose along the way to best teach you the lessons you needed to learn. Time to stop blaming and wanting to punish, and time to get on with living, learning and growing.

The first thing we must do is find out exactly what we are all about. In order to do this we must explore this thing we call Ego. For many this is scary, and to be avoided at all costs. I will tell you what I have told so many others. There is nothing in your past that can hurt you just by bringing up the memory. What is hurting you is holding on to a partial memory and burying it with your fear. Nothing hidden in the dark is ever as bad as it seems, especially when the light of day is shining on it. We are going to do better than shine the light of day on your past, we are going to shine a spiritual light of love, understanding and forgiveness on your past.

We are going to stop looking at your past through the eyes of a child, and start looking at your past as it really was, through the eyes of an adult. Think for a moment; when you were a child you thought as a child. Your eyes saw the world through the eyes of a child, not understanding adults, only holding them on pedestals because they controlled your entire life, so you had no choice but to trust their decisions for you. Now it is time to look at the same situations through the eyes of those adults; except you are the adult doing the looking.

Before we get started, let me say that this does not mean you have to contact the people from your past, because everything you need to know and work out is within. It does not matter that you get every word correct in what I like to call the "you said I said" scenarios. It is only important that you understand feelings and intent; then look for the lesson that needed to be learned.

The first step we are going to take is a fairly easy one. We are going to start on the physical level, where people generally feel the most comfortable. I want you to list everything you like and don't like that comes to mind; anything from colors, to food, to song titles, and anything and everything in-between. This may take awhile, but it is important. The details are not as important as the general profile you will start to build about yourself. You might be surprised to find that these things are motivated by deeper feelings.

For instance, many times we love certain odors because they remind us of times in our past that we want to remember; fond memories. I always used to love the smell of "White Shoulders" perfume because it was what my grandmother always wore. I love the smell of pumpkin pie, because it reminds me of family holidays, which I truly loved. I always loved the smell of my mother's clothes, that fresh smell that you just can't explain.

Once you have listed all of these things, think about them. Think of why you love, hate, or are even indifferent to the things you do. Think about the circumstances that caused you to feel this way. You will be surprised at the clarity of some of these memories, but don't let them stop you from exploring, whether the memory is pleasant or unpleasant, and there will be some of each. Remember these memories cannot hurt you, only not remembering can hurt you, because there is a reason not to remember that must be uncovered.

All of this has been to prepare you for the final mile of the journey we started at the beginning of this book. This is the journey into yourself. This is the journey that faces your true spirit, your id, ego, all that you are. Don't be afraid, fear has no place here. This is you we are talking about, not a stranger. No matter what you have done, thought, or intended, you are still you, and there is no way to get rid of the past; only to learn from it and move on. No one needs to know all of these things, but you. It is important for you to know, however.

There is no turning back, and there is no copping out at this point. I will walk you through it every step of the way; sending you positive energy through my words. We all have to go on this path before we can grow. You see, there is a certain road map, and even though we all may take different vehicles getting there, in the end we are all going to the same place, and have to go through the same steps to get there.

For instance, in the physical we are each born. We don't pop out of the cabbage patch, but each person is born. Also in the same respect each person's body dies. There are various ways for a person to die, but the end result is the same, we all die; whether rich, poor, brilliant, dimwitted, beautiful, ugly, saint or demon; death is the final result as far as this physical body is concerned.

Mentally we each develop, some at faster rates than others, but all along the same way. Children generally all walk within a given period of time (unless there is a problem), speak at a certain time, finish school during a certain cycle and live on their own at a given time. We don't have to ever meet for these things to hold true they just happen.

However, the experiences that each of us have make us unique. We get to the same lessons in the end, but our vehicles are quite different. Ego's are very positive things when paid attention to, rather than ignored. Many people live their lives going through unpleasant cycles, with the same things occurring to them over and over again, with only the faces and names change. When these things occur look directly to Ego, rather than blaming, god, life or circumstances.

No one is truly a martyr, although many people go through the poor me' syndrome in order to extract sympathy from others. Some people feed their Ego with this sympathy, rather than what is needed to make their Ego strong and healthy. It reminds me of loving candy when I was a child. Candy tastes good, but too much of it can give you a stomach ache and rot your teeth.

Others can only do to you what you allow them to do. No one can get' to you unless you choose to let them. Think of this the next time you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship, and you find yourself ready to blame god, country, but mostly the other person. Don't look at the circumstances, look to your Ego and the reasons you keep allowing these situations to occur. By directly looking to the Ego, and finding out what the lesson is that you need to learn, you can eradicate these situations from your life once and for all.

I think that it should now be clear as to just how important it is to pay attention and explore the Ego totally, without reservation. Don't enter in fear, because the only reason to be afraid is if there is something you don't want in your life, and you can't change it. The only way to change anything is to recognize that it is there, and then clear it out.

I could write on and on about Ego, listing scenario after scenario and correlating them to different times in our lives. I think that by now you have gotten the picture, and this is not necessary. Suffice it to say, that everything that has been written in the other chapters goes directly into Ego. Ego is what you start building on this planet from the day you come out of the womb (maybe even before, but that hasn't been proven). Definitely past lives go into it, but they do not go in on a conscious level, only cause us to react the way we do initially.

Don't become complacent and accept the things you don't like about yourself with a shrug and oh well'. You might think they will go away, but they will not. Instead you will find yourself in many scenarios built around the very things you dislike about yourself, until you face them and learn the lesson. The same holds true for relationships. Do not accept relationships that continually bring out the worst in you, and the other person. For instance, people in abusive relationships, whether they be physical, mental or spiritual, know that the relationship is unhealthy to some degree. However, they ignore the core of this and continually look at the circumstances to blame. There is a lesson to be learned which is drawing you to the same type of person over and over again. Learn the lesson, and you will find yourself attracted to someone much more suited for your Ego.

The main thing to remember is don't give up' the quest. Sometimes it seems like we go one step forward, only to slip two steps backward. Even going backward is a learning experience, and as long as we keep going forward we will get there in the end.

Remember ego is all that you are, and is in direct control of what you will become before this life is over. On the physical everything from the five senses feeds into it. On the mental everything you intellectually learn becomes a part of it. Everything that you think about yourself is in direct alignment, and accord, with your ego. This includes whatever impact you allow what others think about you to intertwine into your ego. On a spiritual plane it is all your beliefs rolled up into one big ball. Everything you have ever learned, accepted or adopted as your own, or anything that you have concluded on your own makes up this ego. All the emotions you have ever felt, or the way you perceive those emotions, is a big part of this ego. Remember, those emotions are tricky, as they span all three planes.

Now comes the time for you to face yourself, and investigate this ego we have been talking about more closely. We have been building up to this since the start of the book, actually our entire lives if you want to get technical. If you have read the lessons, and done the homework, as entailed at the end of each chapter, you are ready. If you have not, now is the time to go back and do it. This is a difficult thing to do, and I wish that each and every one of you could be in a classroom setting, where I could give you individualized attention, and talk' you through it. The support would be much better, and the energy more intense. However, we cannot always have ideal situations, and as such our spirits learn to adapt. I am sending energy and love with each word, which should help at this time.

You will read these words, and then you will do the exercise. Find a comfortable room where you can lock the door, and be sure that you will not be disturbed. You may put on inspirational music, if you think this will relax you better, and find a comfortable place to either sit or lie down. Darkness is preferable, as it is more soothing, and causes less distraction.

You are going to close your eyes now, and totally relax. Take three deep breaths, now let them out slowly at the count of five each. Clear your mind, other than the task at hand. If thoughts keep popping into your mind toss each out gently, and go back to the exercise. Don't get frustrated, this only adds to the inability to concentrate. Instead, be patient and toss each thought out individually, going back patiently each time to the exercise (has the idea of being patient been put across yet?...hehehe; a little cosmic humor).

You are going to imagine yourself walking slowly down a dark tunnel. You are going to imagine the feel of the cool earth beneath your feet, and reaching out you can feel the smoothness of the earthen wall as you walk. There is a glow in the distance which seems to cast a yellow glow to where you walk. It is dark, yet you can see without a problem. It is not an inky black dark, but a dark which reminds you of twilight, the time of day when you can see to walk, but not to read. You can smell the walls, that smell of earth that is so soothing.

As you walk downward, you can feel yourself going down into the earth on a slow and steady decline, always going downward. The light at the end is getting brighter, and the air is getting cooler. You see a room up ahead, and you can just make out a beautiful oak table with a big comfortable chair in the middle of that room. You have now arrived at the door of the room and you stand and look for a moment at the beauty of this room. There is a single chair in the middle of the room, positioned beside the fireplace, which is made of marble. The fire is burning, giving off a beautiful golden light that illuminates the room. You realize that this was the light you saw while you were walking down the tunnel. On the oak table in front of the chair there is a beautiful gold mirror on a stand. It is not ornate, but rather plain, being just a beveled piece of glass surrounded with a gold frame and stand.

When you look into the mirror you do not see the reflection of the fireplace or the light from it. All you can see in the mirror is yourself. You are fascinated by this, and seat yourself comfortably in the chair. You are now sitting directly in front of the mirror, and the only thing you can see is you.

A funny thing starts to happen as you stare into the mirror, your face suddenly disappears, and you start to see pictures being put together, somewhat like a movie. There you are when you were born, now you are one, two, three.... Take this slow and don't move on until you are able to picture each of the above instructions.

You continue to look and notice that the mirror is stopping at different points, playing out scenarios of your life. Look carefully at these scenarios. These are lessons still not learned. They are traumatic events that happened in your life, and have either been buried, or have been traveling with you each day of your life, causing you to be who you are. Face each one of these events. Look at what truly happened during the event.

First, look at how you felt while it was happening. Second, see how you feel now. Third, if others were involved look at their motivation, rather than only concentrating on your feelings, concentrate on what was truly happening and why. Fourth, find the lesson that needed to be learned.

Learn the lesson, let go of the other emotions that are attached to it, and move on. Do not move on until you are able to do this. It may take more than one session at the mirror, but for most it can be accomplished in one session, because things move very quickly in the mirror. After all you have been carrying these things around your entire life, it is just that you are only now recognizing them. You will be surprised at how easily things are resolved, once the light of understanding is shone on them.

Don't be afraid of the feelings that you have attached to the situation. Remember it can't hurt you anymore. It was in the past, and you have already lived through it. Now is the time for healing and moving on. Once you face it, and learn the lesson, it will be gone and the only thing you will truly remember is the lesson. You will then be able to share this lesson with others, when the need arises. Don't be afraid to talk about these things with others. There is no feeling or experience you have had that most people can't relate to in one way or another. Talking about the experiences brings out the stories of others, and by talking about things they take on a different perspective, which will make you feel different.

When you are looking in the mirror hear the words being said, but concentrate on the feelings of each person you are seeing. Yes, you will see traumatic situations that made an impact, the lesson was not learned, so the impact has remained. It might be buried, but it is there. You will find that you are not alone with this trauma but that others were involved, or else it probably wouldn't have made such an impact. Try to understand what they were feeling at the time, rather than how you perceived it as a child or young adult. Don't move on until you are sure you understand. You can have the scene played, and replayed, simply by thinking about it over and over. Remember your mind is like a video recorder, pop in the tape and it is this is your life' time.

Remember not to rush yourself, this is very important. You will feel like rushing at times, especially through some particularly painful scenes. Remember you have nothing to prove, and no one to impress. You are doing this strictly for you, so be honest. If you are not honest you are hurting no one but yourself. If you are not honest you will not be able to resolve the situation and move on.

This final exercise has been coming since the start of this book. This book is to help you put all the personal baggage that you have been carrying around your entire life away, once and for all. When you have cleared out all of the excess baggage you then have a clear path to the higher self, wherein all answers lie.

Once you have done whatever you need to do to resolve your issues, and you will know what it is at the time, evaluate each situation and each lesson learned. For example some people just need to cry, accept responsibility, or leave their guilt behind. Others actually need to make physical contact with the person or event they had a problem with, and resolve it on a physical basis. Just remember, you cannot change anyone but yourself. It is wonderful that you are working on yourself, but you can't drag someone else in and make them work on themselves.

Also, let me warn you right now that just because you may have a clear picture of what actually transpired, does not mean that anyone else is going to share that perspective with you. What I am trying to say is, if you feel someone owes you an apology, that does not mean you are going to get it. This is a totally independent study we are all on, and even though we can share our lessons with others, they will not have final impact on what we are doing.

I wish I could be with each and everyone of you as you travel to the core of your being and look in the mirror of your mind, but it is a journey that can only be made by one, and your it. Do not be afraid, the person you are seeing is you, someone you live with everyday; go to bed with every night and get up with every morning. You are the same person, it is just that you are now actually looking at who that person is, rather than running away.

Once you have finished this exercise you will feel many emotions, but mostly you will feel drained. This will be very revealing because you can look at your entire life and see how each traumatic event has caused you to live your life differently. For instance, if you were hurt at a young age by being lied to constantly and deceived, you have probably lived your life mistrusting people. Now you can go back to the exact time in your life when this started and find a pattern, one which you now can change if you want, because you now will recognize that it is there and why it is there.

This exercise needs to be done as many times as it takes to clear out all the old traumas and wounds. Quit blaming others for your problems, and take responsibility for yourself. What you do with your life is totally up to you, and no one else. You have final free choice; and for those of you who refuse to make a decision, even that is a choice.

When you are through looking in the mirror, and you will know because the pictures will stop and it will go dark, sit for a moment in the room and then slowly get up and walk back up the tunnel and out. Do this slowly, making sure you feel the cool walls and the earth beneath your feet. Once back up you can start doing some compiling of all the data you now have, and decide what you want to do about it. There are no set rules here as to how to deal with a situation. The only important rule is that you have to resolve it yourself. Whatever that takes for you is what you need to do.

Look at it each event logically, without all the emotion that surrounds the situation, and find out what is best for everyone involved. However, you must find peace in the situation, for only then will you be ready to move on. Don't look for punishment, you have already been punished by holding onto the event all these years. This is not about punishment and reward. This is about coming to terms with yourself and clearing out the blocks between you and your higher self.

This is also not about punishing others for what you perceive as a wrong that they have done to you. It is, however, about forgiving that person, even if they haven't shown remorse, or asked for that forgiveness.

When you have finally finished with this part of the trip you will know it, because a beautiful peace will envelope your entire being. This will be a peace that you have never experienced before in this lifetime. It will be a joining of yourself, and there is no feeling in the world like it. Just be careful not to get stuck there, because there is still work to be done.

Once you have completed this exercise completely, which means that you have cleared away all obstacles you are ready for the next exercise. Do not attempt to go on until you have completed the first steps. There is no way you can, even if you try, because you will not be ready and all that will greet you is frustration.

The next exercise is the actual meeting of your higher self. This is different for each person, as each person is unique unto themselves. There is no right or wrong way, and just because you do it differently than anyone else, does not mean it has a different final outcome. The whole idea here is to meet your higher self, and become comfortable being united. This is done over an extended period of time, and does not usually happen overnight'.

I am going to give you a few exercises to help you in this process, but they are not carved in stone. If you have a better way, do it. For those of you who are in touch with their spirit guides, ask them for the best method. They are with you all the time, and know better than I what exercise is best suited to your personality.

I highly recommend that if you have not been working on your meditation before now, that you start immediately. It is going to be needed throughout the path, and is as important on the spiritual level as breathing is on the physical level. Once you are in the habit of meditating it is almost like breathing, because you can go in and out of meditation quickly and easily. Like anything else this takes work, concentration, and practice, practice, practice....

You did not learn how to drive a car the first time you got behind the wheel, nor read a book the first time you learned the alphabet. Don't expect instant results now, just because you feel you are older and wiser. You may be a genius, but that has nothing to do with the spiritual plane and will make no difference. The spiritual is a great equalizer of all mankind. We have all been in the same place at one time or another, and are all headed in the same direction. Doesn't matter what you look like, what your IQ is, or what part of society you belong to. I will be writing a book on meditation as soon as this one is completed, but if you need help now just e-mail me and I will send you some exercises to get you going.

Let's start by getting in your most comfortable meditative state. Let your mind go completely to the state of clear, so that you can focus more completely. Now you are going to imagine yourself climbing a spiral staircase going up, up, up and when you reach the top there is a beautiful pyramid temple. You walk into the temple and see a room adorned in gold. The light is all given by candlelight. You walk into the room and notice a table and two chairs. You walk over to the table and sit down on the empty chair. The other chair is swiveled around to where you cannot see the person in it. As you are seated and enjoying the serenity and beauty of the room, being completely relaxed, the chair slowly turns toward you and you are face to face with your higher self. This is a moment that you have both been waiting for, and the feeling is undescribable. Many people at this point have a bright burst of light and quick look at the entire universe, and their place in it.

You may stay in this room speaking with, and enjoying the company of your higher self for as long as it feels comfortable. Then you will get up, and leave the same way you came in.

I think you get a hint now about how this scenario works. As I said none of this is laid down in stone, so if you are more comfortable meeting in a beautiful garden, at the beach, mountains or anywhere else that you love, then do it. Always remember not to have other people involved in this scenario, as it should just be you and your higher self.

When you feel your higher self communicating with you do not become alarmed or think you are going crazy. What is happening is perfectly natural. Some people have told me, "it is my thoughts that I am hearing". I tell them, as I will tell you, your higher self is YOU, so hearing yourself is a good thing, and it is exactly what you are supposed to be hearing. The higher self is the part of you that you don't see or hear when you are functioning solely on the physical plane. You must be in a spiritual frame of mind to communicate with the higher self. You might feel tired or drained when you are done, this too is perfectly normal.

It is somewhat difficult, especially at first, to keep this communication going and open. You have to realize that you have spent your entire life not listening, or paying attention (or if you are like most people not even realizing that you had a higher self) to your higher self. This is a time of awakening, and the perceptions will take time to sink in.

You are now on your way to a lifetime relationship. The higher self will not ever leave you, although you might lose communication if you allow other obstacles to get in the way again. If this happens, go through and clear out the obstacles and the communication will resume, if you so desire it. The higher self will never be the one to push you into anything, as you were born and will die with complete freedom of choice. What the higher self can do is help you see and work for the good of all, by showing you the overall picture, helping you find your way, and most importantly your purpose for this lifetime.

When I write I always connect to the higher self, so that I will be speaking from the spirit, rather than from Ego. You will find it becoming easier and easier as you practice with it more and more.

Work with whatever you feel the most comfortable to discover the right path you need for your higher self. Once you have that, stick with it. You are now on your way to a lifetime of joy and fulfillment. Do not bore the higher self with mundane chatter, but ask about things that are important to your quest. Such as what your purpose is, and the best way to go about fulfilling it. Ask to see the wonders of the universe, and when the time is right they will be shown to you.....