"FEAR"
This chapter is the culmination of a lifetime of
experiences, with most of them not being very pleasant,
but all valuable with significant lessons learned along the
way. I have been experiencing, and witnessing, many
different types of fear intensely within the past 4-6 weeks,
which tells me it is definitely time for this chapter.
Let us start at the beginning, and perhaps beyond..
We are all born into fear. Think about it for a moment.
Even if a woman has natural childbirth, with no drugs or
intrusions into the body, what a traumatic experience birth
is for a baby. We all feel sorry for the mother, because
she is able to describe her pain and agony, along with her
fears. However, the child is unable to describe upon
arrival what feelings both physical and emotional were felt.
Once we grow up, all memory of the actual birthing has
been wiped away from our conscious mind. This would
lead us to believe that there is never any sure way of
knowing'. However, being reasonable, rational adults, if
we think about it we can imagine just what some of those
feelings would have been.
How many people do you know who remember their
own birth, without being regressed or hypnotized? My
point is, there is as much trauma, if not more, going on for
the infant as there is for the mother at birth. The parent
understands what is happening, the infant doesn't. The
infant has been sheltered and protected in its own little
world for nine months. During that time, the child has
literally been kept in the dark and floated in a sea of
amniotic fluid. The child doesn't have to breathe, eat,
excrete, or think for itself. All functions are automatic, with
no conscious mental exertion required on the part of the
infant. During that time the child is in a constant state of
flux, but it is internal rather than external, so it is very
natural.
Now, all of a sudden this infant is being pushed out of
its familiar surroundings into a world of light, noise, and
other people. To add to the trauma and confusion the
child finds out immediately that all functions are different.
The first thing we do is cut the cord, which now causes the
child to start breathing through its nose. Some doctors
still swat the baby (although I think this practice is almost
completely gone), and now the child finds that it has lungs
and can make noise. What about that noise? Have you
ever floated in a pool with your ears in the water? If you
have, you know that there is no more peaceful sound than
that of water moving gently under you. This is what the
child has had for nine months, but now there is noise. Not
only noise from other people, but the noise that the child
is making. What about physical pain that the child has
probably never experienced before, at least at the hand of
another.
In other words all five senses are immediately
brought into focus. The child becomes hungry, a feeling it
has not known before. Whenever food was needed it was
provided, without the child having to ask or cry for it, or
feel the hunger pains associated with hunger. Imagine
the fear that is associated with this. Perhaps that is the
reason that we blessedly can't remember the actual
event, or the traumatic time directly afterwards. As
unpleasant as it is for the mother, I think it is probably 100
times more unpleasant for the child.
My point here is that we are all born into fear. It starts
at the very beginning of life on this planet, and follows us
through childhood, into adulthood, in fact until death (with
the ultimate major fear of life being that of death). No one
gets away from fear. We learn to overcome fear, which is
a means of controlling it.
When I said that it started at birth and beyond, I
meant that we bring fears from other lifetimes into this
one. I know that all reading my words may not believe in
reincarnation, and that is your choice. However, I know
for a fact that I brought a fear of heights called acrophobia
into this lifetime with me from another.
My nightmares started when I was very young. The
age I remember well was 5, when I started to understand
what they meant. I would wake up screaming. The
nightmare was always the same. I was on the edge of a
cliff and was pushed off. I would fall screaming, feeling
the earth coming up to meet me and feeling out of control,
knowing that I was going to die and there was nothing that
I could do to prevent it. I had always heard growing up
(probably an old-wives tale) that if you ever died in one of
your dreams you would die in reality. I am alive to tell you
that this is not particularly true, at least it wasn't for me. I
can't tell you how many times I hit bottom and felt my
body lying there broken, knowing that I was dead.
As a child I refused to climb trees, go down slides, or
go up to any height where I had to look down. My mother
tried everything to get me over this fear, from bribery to
punishment. Nothing worked, and I was the kid who didn't
climb up high on the monkey bars, but stayed at the first
level watching everyone else. Much later, after becoming
an adult and entering the path, I found that in a past life I
had been pushed off a cliff. As an adult, I have overcome
my fear, but it is with me always, and it must be dealt with
each time the occasion arises. It did not go away' just
because I understood it and coped with it.
People make the mistake of thinking that once they
understand their fear, and face it, then it goes away. I
wish it were that simple, and perhaps for some it is. I
can't say for sure, because I haven't met any people that
this is true for, but it could happen. Much more common
is the fact that the fear is always there lying dormant. I
still get a weak feeling in my legs when going up in a
glass elevator, but that doesn't stop me from going. I
don't go out of my way to go up in one, but if it is there I
don't turn and find another way.
I don't go looking for tall buildings to go up, but if we
get a hotel room on the 20 floor, that is fine. My point is
not to allow your fears to change your life in any way.
When you do that you are allowing your fear to control
you. I hate to fly, but I can't tell you how many times I
have traveled from one side of the united states to the
other in an airplane, usually alone.
A fear of heights, fear of water, fear of people, etc.
are all large fears that need to be dealt with in order to live
a free life. However, it is the little fears that can go by
unnoticed and undetected, until someday they build up
sufficiently to come to our attention.
There are fears that no one wants to talk about.
There are fears that we keep hidden in the deep dark
recesses of our heart and mind, with the constant nagging
feeling that if they were brought out into the light of day
they would become true and destroy us. There are fears
that we are ashamed of, and afraid that someone might
find out about. These are what I call double whammy
fears.
We have fears that were instilled in us by our parents,
society, peers, relatives or from bad experiences. Most
fear comes from the feeling of being out of control. One
of the reasons most people are afraid to fly is that feeling
of no control. This is a legitimate fear, as you are literally
putting your life in the hands of someone you have never
met, and you are solely relying on the airlines (again
faceless people you have never met) to have picked
competent, sober, and drug free pilots.
Fears, like beliefs, can be outgrown. For instance,
when I was a small child I was afraid of the dark. I always
slept with my door opened a crack, so a small shaft of
light could penetrate my room. I loved monster stories
when I was young, and my father loved to tell them. My
mother discouraged it, but my father could be counted on
to tell the scariest stories as he tucked us into bed each
night. I was always sure some monster was under the
bed, or going to come through one of the windows. I
never told my father my fears, because then he would
have stopped telling the stories, and I loved them far too
much to let my fear get in the way. However, I am no
longer afraid of the dark, in fact I can't sleep well if there is
a light on. I am not afraid of monsters, though I still love a
good monster flick (they don't make good "Attack of the
Killer Tomatoes" anymore....hehehe).
Sometimes these fears merely shift. Instead of being
afraid of monsters' in the dark we turn to being afraid of
other people. These fears might be well grounded,
especially considering where our society is today. It is not
safe in most cities to be out alone walking at night. In
fact, in a lot of cities it is not safe to be out walking alone
during the day. This does not mean that you stop going
out in public. What it does mean is that you are aware.
You look around, and pay attention to what is going on
around you.
As you can see, a lot of childhood fears are simply
outgrown. However, if those fears aren't dealt with
somewhere along the way they will merely change
direction and grow with us. Fear of death is what keeps a
lot of people from committing suicide when the going gets
tough and they just want to give up. On the flip side, it is
also the thing that holds people here trapped in a body
that no longer works or is in constant pain, when they
should let go and move on. The nursing homes are full of
people who have long ago, for all intents and purposes,
stopped living. It is only their body that remains hooked
up to machines that keep the physical mechanics going.
When my mother became ill and went to the hospital I
immediately left my home and traveled 34 hours to reach
her. They had her hooked up to machines to keep her
going. She waited until I got there, so that she could
speak to me. After talking to me, she went into a coma.
She had asked me to take her off of life support and let
her die in peace. I acquiesced immediately, and she was
removed from all life support. I will never forget how the
nurses set up chairs in ICU so that the family could all be
by her bedside, sure that she would die in a very short
period of time without the machines. We all sat and
waited, and the nurses served soft drinks. Nothing
happened. We sat, and her blood pressure got stronger.
The nurse was in shock because they felt that the
Dopamine they were giving her was the only thing that
was keeping her blood pressure up. After several hours
of this, they asked that we move her into a private room,
which we did.
I sat with my mother for seven days and nights with
her on no medication, no food, no water, nothing. All of
her bodily functions had shut down, and yet she lived on.
The doctors and nurses could not understand it. I
understood, she was afraid to die. She was afraid to let
go, and until she could be convinced that it was going to
be alright, and that we would be alright without her, she
hung on. Do not ever underestimate fear, for when you
do it has you in its grips, even in the end (especially in the
end). Don't ever think that fear plays fair, because it
doesn't. It preys on the mind when it is the most
vulnerable and in the greatest amount of pain.
My grandmother was in and out of consciousness for
one month before she moved on. She, too, was afraid to
let go. I would go into her room to talk with her, and she
would tell me that her mother and sister were there talking
to her. I would talk to her about them, and let her know
that it was okay for her to go with them. Finally, when she
felt comfortable with death, she merely let go and let one
final breath out.
Before we start looking at fear more closely, and how
it affects the three different planes; spiritual, mental and
physical, let's talk a little about fear itself. As I pointed out
in the beginning of this chapter, we are each born into
fear. What we do with it after that arrival is a very
individual and personal experience. We can bring fears
with us into this world from past lives (this is my belief and
does not necessarily have to be yours), but even when we
do we relate them immediately to this existence.
Fear is not a totally negative emotion, and have no
doubt that it is pure emotion. I can think of no other
emotion with as many different facets. There are many
different types of love (which is another pure emotion) and
hate (PE), but fear creeps into every aspect of our life,
relationships, and totally can dictate the way we live our
lives, if we aren't aware of it, and overcoming it at all
times.
Some types of fear are good, and necessary for
survival. For instance, it is good to be afraid to jump off of
a 20 story building. It is good to be afraid to eat poison. It
is good to fear getting in the car with a drunk driver.
These are all types of fear that are put in place as a
defense mechanism to ensure survival of the species.
We teach our children to fear strangers, and not speak to
them. This is a legitimate fear (unfortunately a sad
footnote on our society) and can save the life of the child.
You wouldn't want your child to overcome this type of fear,
in fact you were probably the one who instilled it.
However, if you are not careful as to how that fear is
instilled, it can lead to the child growing into an adult that
fears every person they meet, and trusts no one.
I think moderation comes into play here. A good fear
that is meant to protect us, can also be used to keep us
as prisoner if we take it too far. I think one of the key
measuring devices we can use to make sure that we are
in line with our fears, and not obsessing about them, is to
take stock of our lives and see how much fear dictates the
way we live.
I have seen houses, as I am sure all of you have, that
have bars on the windows, doors, and elaborate alarm
systems. This makes the occupants feel secure,
however, I have to wonder who is in prison.... I also
wonder how secure those same occupants would feel in
case of a fire....
We teach our children at a young age to fear fire, but
is it fire we are actually teaching them to fear, or the
misuse of fire. Fire used correctly can save lives, cook
meals, and make life livable on this planet, as the
caveman discovered. However, fire misused can cause
total and utter destruction, both of the body and the
planet. Do we worship fire, as the ancient tribes did, or do
we hate fire, as do forest rangers. Fire is neither to be
worshiped or hated, as it just is. We control, through our
actions, the warmth or destruction that fire causes. The
same can be said of all the earth elements; water, wind,
and the earth. The same earth that houses us and
sustains our life force, can move and toss us around,
causing total destruction and death in its' path.
I have also observed that different fears come at
different growth times in our lives. For example; most
young children are afraid of the dark. This seems to be a
common fear that comes at a certain age, and leaves at a
certain age. Another fear that I have observed to be age
related' is the fear of crowds. I have noticed that when
people get to a certain age, usually between 70-80, they
become afraid of crowds and tend to do what society calls
cocoon'. This means that they really don't want outside
human contact. They are suspicious and afraid of people
in general, because they feel more feeble and vulnerable.
It is not because they no longer desire human contact, but
because they fear human contact from strangers. These
same people will watch talk shows, home shopping
networks, religious broadcasts; anything where there are
people talking to an audience. They then start to relate to
these people, and feel that they are being spoken
individually by them. They feel safe and secure, because
they are in total control of their environment and the
dealings that they have with the television (being able to
turn it on or shut it off with a flick of the remote).
For example; my mother used to watch a very
infamous religious couple on television. She never
missed their show, and became a member of their
different clubs', giving money to their different projects.
My mother was not a rich woman, and went without things
that would make her life comfortable in order to support'
their work.
I will never forget the way she talked about these
people. She would say to me; "Do you know what Jim
said today?" and go on to tell me verbatim. It was as if
she was personally having a conversation with Jim'
through the tube. I tried to find out why she felt this way,
and she told me that this couple were her friends' and
that they cared about her. Even when their empire came
tumbling down, and they were exposed for stealing and
pilfering millions of dollars away, my mother found no fault
in them'. The devil' was after them, and destroying their
work. When Jim' admitted guilt, her response was that
we all make mistakes and god forgives us, so who was
she not to forgive him'.
Don't concentrate on these people, or their work, for
this is not the reason I told you this story. Instead, look at
the syndrome of fear that brings older people into this
state of mind. These people were always there for her, all
she had to do was turn on her set. When she didn't want
them, she turned the set off. It removes all fear from
rejection by others, and makes life safe' and comfortable'
for the older person. They can have this relationship on
their own terms, and it takes absolutely no physical or
mental strain on their part to keep it going.
We have looked at a couple of fears for the very
young, and the very old, now let's look at a few for the
people in-between. Of course, all school age children
have the fear of being rejected and taunted by their peers.
This fear seems to grow with us, however, spilling over
into the workplace when we are adults.
Teens probably have the worst fear of not being
accepted. When you hit your twenties, you start to realize
that you are going to age and, therefore, start to fear the
future. Decisions that could be put off when you were
young, now have to be made. Usually in their twenties if
people have not found a mate, they start to worry that they
never will.
Women in their 40's feel the time clock ticking, and if
they have not already had children, either strongly
consider having them, or just decide not to have them at
all. Then there is the fear of aging....
As you can see the list goes on and on. If we can
look at all these fears and relate, then we will realize that
we are not alone. Everyone has these fears at very
similar times in their lives. Just knowing that we are not
the only ones on the planet going through these things will
help to put the fears into perspective.
Fear is a two edged sword. It can be used for good,
just as fire can, or it can totally destroy your life, as fire
can. Remember; fear can stop us from doing things, but
it can also motivate us into action'. The choice, as always
is yours.
Let's look at fear on the three planes of existence and
how it affects our lives on each of these planes. Let's
start with the most obvious, and one that affects most of
us everyday of our lives on this planet. Physical fear.
Physical fear is pretty easily defined. It encompasses
any and all damage that can be done to the human body,
up to and including death. For something so easily
defined, it is one of the most complicated of the fears. It
is a fear that is real, and in our face every day of our lives.
When I say real', I mean that it is a fear that can be
witnessed by anyone of our five senses. Sometimes the
fear is justified and necessary. For example, if I am about
to cross the street and see a bus coming; my eyes see
the danger, inform my brain, and I don't step out in front of
the bus. I am in bed, and smell smoke. My nose has
informed me of danger, so I leave the house.
You say that this is just common sense that we were
all born with, but I don't think so. These things have been
ingrained in us since we were children. They are fears
that were put in our minds to protect us from harming
ourselves. A child does not instinctively know that fire is
hot, and can burn them. They have to be taught, and
warned of the danger over and over, until they understand
and link the fear to the danger. The same is true for
crossing the street. How many of us can remember our
mother's or father's warning about when crossing the
street look both ways'. The same words by millions of
parents over centuries. It took time for that physical fear
to be linked. The child does not learn about fire or
crossing the street the first time they are told, so the
lesson must be repeated over and over until they have
ingrained it into their memory, and there is no longer a
need to think about it, only to react.
The same is true for all other physical fears that are
needed in order to keep us safe. Some of these fears we
should outgrow, through understanding. However, there
are fears that we need to keep our entire lives. For
instance the fear of fire. We all use fire, but have a
healthy respect for an out of control house or grass fire,
and know enough to stay away and get help.
There are people who were born without any physical
fear. They are an anomaly, and science has not even
scratched the surface as to what causes this, other than a
short of some sort in the circuitry of the brain. These
people often hurt themselves, and often have to be
protected because they do not understand danger or
consequence. They also have a very high tolerance for
pain, so they can injure themselves without even realizing
they have. This is unusual, and most of us don't have to
worry about it, because we have all felt pain and try to
avoid it.
Each of us have our own unique physical reaction to
fear. Some people are able to keep a cool head and deal
with the situation without panicking. Others are unable to
cope and try to hide. Still others just freeze, and are
unable to move. I personally am one of those people who
takes charge, and keeps cool until it is over, then I fall
apart.
Most people deal well with physical fear, as far as
injury goes, but their greatest physical fear is the ultimate
one; death'. Most people do not deal well with this
physical fear, and if you doubt that just go to a funeral.
People say the stupidest things to those that are grieving,
and someday I am going to write a book about these
stupid comments. One of my favorites is, it is for the
best'. Who thought up that stupid line, and then spread it
around so all could repeat it over and over. I always
marvel at the one, god needed them more than you did'.
HELLOOOOO.....what about just saying they were a good
person and will be missed'. That is comforting and what a
person in the process of grieving really wants to hear; that
their loved one made an impact on someone's life and will
not be forgotten. Enough of this for now, I will climb off
my soapbox. Please, just think when saying something to
someone grieving. If nothing comes to mind, then say
nothing, and just give a hug, smile and nod.
Physical fear, especially the fear of death, triggers
other things. Suddenly, when people are faced with death
they become very spiritual. Even during an emergency
people become spiritual. It can also work the opposite
way if a person is very ill, or in great pain. Some people
become hardened, and blame the spiritual plane and
everyone on it for their problem.
As you can see, all fear starts in the mind. It is
implanted there either by others, circumstances, or our
own very active imagination. This brings us to the next
plane we are going to discuss, the mental plane.
Other than a natural reaction to fear, which
fortunately for most of us doesn't happen too often, most
fear starts in the mind. It may even start with a small
seed, but when watered can grow to a giant tree. This is
where we get into all the various kinds of fear, and why we
don't all fear the same things. As I have said before,
there are lessons to be learned from fear. Remember,
what can cause great discomfort and fear in some causes
pleasure in others. If we remember this, then we will also
remember not to ever make light of or ridicule someone's
fears just because they aren't our own.
For instance I have a fear of heights, which I have to
continually keep a watchful eye on. However, I have no
fear of water. I feel very comfortable in the water
(perhaps it is because I can float standing up, and always
have my head and neck out of the water). Whatever the
reason, since a very young age I have loved water. I love
to be in water, be near water, and prefer to live by the
water. I don't fear boats or large vessels, and feel very
comfortable when on board. I know many people,
however, that are scared to death of water. They even
hate taking baths because of this fear, and shower
instead. They wouldn't think of going swimming, and the
thought of getting on a boat doesn't even enter their
minds.
If there is no physical reason for fear, then it has to
be generated either on the mental or spiritual plane. Most
fears are generated on the mental plane. We think about
them, obsess about them, and generally cause them to
become much worse then they really are. For instance,
how many of us as children did not have the monsters
under the bed and in the closet scenario'? This is a very
common childhood fear, one which most of us mercifully
outgrow. However, there are those who don't outgrow it. I
know adults that are still afraid of the dark and have to
leave a light on in order to sleep. Is this a real fear for
physical well being, or is it a fear that has been planted
and fed over the years?
Sometimes, fears like these become habits which are
hard to break. Fears can become habits that we have
grow so accustomed to, we get to the point where we
almost feel comfortable with them. We don't even stop
and think of what might be behind the fear anymore, but
just leave the light on out of habit. We may have
outgrown the fear, and forgotten to let it go because it has
been ignored for so long, having found that leaving the
light on was the solution to the problem. Remember, the
light is not solving the problem, only treating the symptom.
As children, especially we in the baby boomer age, all
got told about the boogie man. My mother wanted to
make sure I did not talk to strangers. Her way of insuring
this was to tell me that the man that walked down our
sidewalk everyday gathering rags in his rag bag was the
boogie man. This was easy for a young child to believe
because he was dirty, disheveled, and looked as though
he could definitely be the boogie man. As a result, as a
child whenever I saw him coming I would run in the house
and hide. I was very frightened of this man, because my
mother had told me how the boogie man would take bad
little boys and girls, put them in his rag bag, and then they
would never be heard from again. I outgrew this fear, and
learned that this was just the rag man trying to make a
living the best way he knew how.
I tell you this little story to stress a point. In this day
and age when we are all psychoanalyzing our childhood's,
and blaming our parents for all of our real and imagined
problems, it is easy to get stuck on blame rather than
solution. My mother had her reasons for telling this story
and instilling fear in me. It is up to me, as an adult
thinking person, to deal with the reality of the situation,
and deal with the fear. Finding out what caused the fear
can be instrumental in dispelling it, or learning to control it.
Blaming someone else for its inception is nonproductive,
and resolves nothing.
All of our conscious thoughts, whether good or bad,
originate in the brain. Mental fear can cause us to miss
out on important lessons, and lose out on many important
moments of our life. These fears start with the small ones
that rule our everyday life, and go all the way up to the
fear of death.
Some of these self-generated mental fears are; the
fear of forgetting, fear of losing, fear of commitment, fear
of rejection, fear of failure, fear of looking stupid, fear of
rejection, fear of being judged, and the list goes on and
on. These are the small fears, but the worst to deal with.
Because they are small, we can live most of our lives with
them, just coping with the circumstances of each incident,
rather than with the fear itself. It takes digging to find the
real reason for the fear, and even more work to overcome
it. However, in the long run it is much less work than
dealing with those circumstances of the incidents, which
will be coming up on a daily basis until it is recognized
and resolved. None of the circumstances putting these
fears in our face day in and day out are accidents, but
lessons which need to be learned before we can move
along.
These fears stop us from doing things, and in many
cases from even attempting to do things. People afraid of
losing, rarely compete, losing all the important lessons
learned from competing, including the lesson of losing.
More is learned from a loss than any win; so can it truly be
a loss? If you are convinced mentally that you cannot do
something, then you are right you can't. You have
defeated yourself before you have even started, and you
will now have to overcome your fear of inadequacy before
you can even attempt the feat.
Our minds can do very tricky things to us when it
comes to fear. We build and rebuild scenarios,
sometimes starting with a little fear and ending with a total
case of paranoia. We have all talked to people like this.
They are absolutely sure that Uncle Sam' is listening in
on all their conversations, rerouting their e-mail, and some
even believe they are being followed. I am sure that these
paranoid feelings probably started out with a small
amount of truth, which was quickly twisted around and
built into the fear which they now live their lives under.
This fear has blossomed into a very dark cloud, which
follows them wherever they go. I am not saying that what
they fear couldn't happen, but I am saying that if it
happens it is very infrequently. To me everything has to
have a purpose. I could believe their paranoia was well
founded if these people had anything that the government
wanted, such as secrets, inventions, information......
However, they are just like you and I, with no military
secrets or reason for the government' to be interested in
their lives. For them all of life is sinister and everyone is
out to get them.
Television, believe it or not, is one of the worst
culprits for encouraging this kind of behavior. I haven't
looked at statistics, but I can bet you there were a lot
fewer paranoid people before television was invented.
Television builds fantasy around reality. It causes people
to have ideas they would not have thought of left to their
own concepts. This can be a two edged sword.
For some, it is a fountain of information and knowledge.
I personally love the Discovery Channel, Learning
Channel and Travel Channel. I have learned some of the
most interesting things and travelled around the world, all
from my recliner. It is amazing. However, the flip side of
the coin is that I have seen stories that could make the
most level headed person become paranoid if given half a
chance.
Once again, for all of you who love television, I am
not saying that television is bad, nor am I saying that we
need more censorship. What I am saying is, that when it
comes to viewing television we all need a large dose of
common sense. Some people use television for an
escape. They live their lives through the fantasy world of
the big screen and get sucked up into the different
scenarios as if they were reality. Funny thing happens
when you start believing that fantasy is reality, it then
becomes YOUR reality. That does not mean that there
are people truly chasing' these paranoid people, or that
the government is out to get' them, but in their mind these
things are happening, therefore, it is their reality. You see
it does not matter whether anyone else shares your reality
with you, it is still your reality.
Paranoia is nothing more than a conglomeration of
small fears that have been built up into an all consuming,
life altering fear. There are otherwise normal' people who
live their lives succumbing to this every day. You work
along side these people, socialize with them, but probably
only have a slight notion of what is truly going on in their
lives or their heads. Most paranoid people tend to hide it
very well. The ones out of control make themselves
known fairly quickly, and usually end up under the care of
a physician. All of these fears come from the mind; the
mental plane.
Some fears are built out of boredom. For instance
when you are a small child and have the fear of monsters'
they don't start out under your bed. You build the fear
until they are under your bed. They start out as just
coming out at night, because it is dark then and you can't
see them. However, before long they end up in the closet,
because you can't see in there once it is dark, and then
under the bed, because you can't see under there either.
How many times have we laid in bed at night as children,
and adults, thinking about different fears, and building
scenarios around them? I know that I have many times. I
know that I fell asleep with many of these scenarios when
I was young, which also caused nightmares.
Our minds create our reality. It is what we live in,
whether we realize it or not. If we realize it, then we have
the opportunity to create our own reality consciously and
with forethought. If we don't realize this fact, then we are
living at the whim of our conscious mind, which acts as a
computer and merely reacts to its surroundings and the
stimulus fed to it. The problem with this is that things
change as we grow, but that does not necessarily mean
that we have consciously changed the formula to which
we react to the stimulus fed to the brain.
Let's look at this for a moment. When we are
children and we get hurt, the first thing we do is cry and
scream. As children we learned that this behavior got us
the most attention from adults (which, let's face it are
sometimes hard to get the attention of), not to mention
sympathy. This attention generally got the adults moving
quickly, and whatever the problem was, from a scrape to a
burn, got taken care of rapidly with the pain leaving faster.
Now as adults (hopefully) we have learned a different
formula. We have become more independent, therefore,
when we get cut we immediately rush to the sink to run
water over it, get out the peroxide, then bandage the
wound. We no longer need to scream or cry for this
attention (although most do have some words come out
that they wouldn't ordinarily say...hehehe), and yet the
problem is still being taken care of in a quick fashion.
Let's look at what has changed. The formula. The
problem is the same, but the way we deal with it is
different. Why is it different? Because we have grown,
and with that growth have found different methods to deal
with life. Now, let's suppose that we had noticed our
growth, but had not put it into effect, in other words we
had not notified our brain of this emotional growth, what
would happen? Well, nothing different then what had
been happening our entire life up until this moment. We
would first scream, then run into the house crying. If we
no longer lived with our parents we would then go to the
significant other person in our lives, and act out the same
scenario that worked with our parents. Now, this may be
cute the first time, especially if it is a new relationship and
we are enjoying the game of taking care of our mate.
However, if this were to continue it would become
annoying, and it wouldn't be long before the mate was
telling you what you could do with your cut and advising
you to do it (except perhaps not in such kind words).
You see, nothing stays the same. All things change,
and this is for the better. It is much better to be able to
take care of a problem then rely on someone else to do it
for you. However, this information must be fed into the
brain, just as it is into a computer.
The same holds true with our mental concept of fear.
Fear is created in the brain and spread to the rest of the
planes. A newborn baby if left to its own devices is born
without fear. Bringing it into bright lights, being hit by a
doctor, having people screaming and making faces at it
can start the process of fear. However, the majority of
fear a child acquires is taught by the parents. I am not
saying that we need fearless children, quite the contrary.
What I am saying is that those fears were implanted in the
brain. As a parent you need to be careful of the fear you
are planting, as an adult you need to realize that it is time
to pull the weeds of fear your parents planted and replace
them with flowers of love and acceptance.
Now you might think, if we created the fear with our
minds then it should be easy to dismiss it...NOT. It
depends on how long it has been there, and what
fantasies we have built to go around it.
As a child I loved scary stories. My father was the
king story teller of scary stories. Every night he would tell
me a scary story and I loved to hear them. What he didn't
realize was what those stories were doing to me. As a
child I did not realize that it was the stories that were
building the fear within. I had a front bedroom with two
windows. One in front and one on the side. The one on
the side faced the alley. I would lay in bed at night
convinced that if I laid on my stomach someone was
going to come in through the front and stab me in the
back. If I laid on my side someone was going to come in
the side window and stab me in the back. I would lay flat
on my back looking toward the side window so that I
would be ready for any circumstance. The fantasies I
would build in my head over these mysterious' people
who wanted me dead. I had no clue as to why they
wanted me dead, but my father's stories told me there
were people who just went around killing little girls, and I
believed everything my father said.
Now my father had no idea what was going on in my
head, as I never shared these fantasies. Big surprise...
How many of us share our deepest fears with others. I
feel the reason I didn't share mine were out of a feeling of
superstition. If I put it into words, and told someone else,
then it would come true. Another reason is out of fear of
being laughed at or made fun of, which would not make
my fear go away, just make me feel foolish for having it.
Both of these fears are valid, especially to a child.
When we are children our whole world (at least for most of
us) revolves around our parents. It is our parents that
make all the decisions in our lives, and have total control
over what we are allowed to do or not do, as the case may
be. We want to please our parents and make them
happy. Parents have a tendency to praise mature
behavior, and make fun of child like behavior. This is one
of the modern mysteries of the world. When children act
like children we tell them to grow up. In reality most
children are just acting the age they are, and if this were
encouraged more, instead of discouraged, I feel we would
have a much better handle on what is truly going on in the
head of a child.
What happens when we grow up, however? Do we
truly outgrow these childhood fears? Some we do, some
we do not. It all depends on how deep an impression the
fear has made on the life of the child. It is not just
children who are susceptible to this. Through teaching
the foundations course I have come across adults that
had frightening encounters as adults, and have not been
able to outgrow' them, but nursed them for years.
One of the prime examples that comes to mind is a
woman who had watched the movie Psycho. She had
watched the movie when it first came out, and was very
frightened by it. It had been years since she had seen
that movie, and the world had moved on to much scarier
movies (those in color with the blood actually being bright
red), but the movie lingered controlling a significant part of
her life. She told me that for years she would not take a
bath or shower without someone else being in the house,
and even then she kept the door locked at all times. All
the time she was in the bath or shower she felt
uncomfortable, and hurried through. It got so bad as she
grew older that she actually bought a large watch dog and
would not take a shower/bath without him in the bathroom
with her, with the door locked.
She had kept this inside all of these years and told no
one, feeling that her family and friends would not
understand and laugh at her. Having kept this a secret
meant that she could discuss it with no one, so the mind
kept feeding this fantasy until it had gotten to the point of
only taking a shower/bath with a guard dog.
Once she talked about it, and got it out in the open,
she realized what the fear was truly all about. It was the
fear of vulnerability. When we are in the shower we are at
our most vulnerable point physically. Hitchcock knew this
when he directed the movie, and used it to his full
advantage. I wonder how many other women have
trouble taking a shower alone?
I watched the same movie, and must admit that most
of the time if I am alone in the house taking a shower it at
least passes my mind. I don't stop my routine, nor do I do
anything different, but the thought does pass my mind.
This only goes to show how powerful the mind truly is.
That movie was made back in the 60's (at least that is
when I saw it) and it is still having impact 36 years later.
The next movies (sequels) were scary, but did not have
the same impact. Hitchcock reached into the mind, found
the most vulnerable place and struck. As a result, the
movie was a big hit (let's face it people love to be scared
in a controlled fashion), but it left many people with a fear
that they refused to discuss with anyone. After going
through the class, talking about the fear and working
through it, she was able to once again take a normal
shower/bath without having to have the dog present. This
may not seem like a big deal to you or I, but it was very
significant in her life and made a distinct difference.
The point here is that we can build fear out of
anything, if we don't discuss it or bring it out into the open
our mind feeds on it, building scenario after scenario.
This is one of the reasons that we need to spend so much
time on the mental plane when it comes to fear. Most of
our fears generate on this plane, and are kept alive and
healthy there.
Some of our worst fears are fed by the television and
movies, especially the news. There is not a night goes by
that you can't turn on the television to the nightly news
and hear about murder, bombings, global catastrophe,
and a myriad of other depressing scarey stories. It seems
that our society has gotten to a point where we prefer bad
news to good news. If you doubt this listen to the news
closely. Usually at the end of the news cast there will be
one (count them one) human interest story that has a
happy ending, and is pleasant and uplifting to watch.
Most of the time, the news is playing to our fears through
sensationalism. The worse the catastrophe, the bigger
the story.
The reason I am discussing all of these things in with
the mental plane, is because these events all set us up for
our mental fears, and the fantasies we build out of them
accompany us every day of our lives. If we had not seen
or heard about someone being shot, beaten up, raped,
mutilated, or any other horrible thing that comes up on the
news, or in theaters from coast to coast, we would not
have a fear of it happening to us. Not only is a fear born
in us that it will happen to us, but that it will happen to
those we love and hold dear. We then spread our fear
through our warnings to others. Is it any wonder that we
live in a day and age of such violence, when it surrounds
us everyday, either real or imagined?
Once again, I am not saying that all fear is negative,
some of it is needed so that we are diligent, and take
precautions for the survival of our physical bodies.
However, anything should be done in moderation, and
overdoing it causes much heartache, real or imagined
pain, and problems.
We create our fears through our five senses. Most of
our fears are connected with the survival of our bodies. It
seems as though there is more fear generated for the
survival of the body then there is for survival of the soul (I
find this curious in and of itself). It is a circle, or what
some may want to call a catch 22' situation. In order for
our spirit to grow and advance we must learn to control
our mind, and overcome our fears. Once our conscious
mind becomes aware of our spirit, and the overall
universal power within each of us, fear has already been
overcome, and is no longer a significant issue. Then, it
only stands to reason that fear must be dealt with
foremost on the mental plane. It is this plane that
generates fear, feeds fear, and allows fear to overcome
our lives.
People build more fantasies about fear then they do
about sex. If you doubt this, think back a minute. Does a
day go by that you do not sit, or lay, (usually this happens
at night when you are trying to go to sleep) in bed building
scenarios in your head, usually about what has happened
during the day. Thinking about these scenarios, can you
remember how many dealt with some sort of fear? I have
driven myself into a state of agitation thinking of things I
should have said to someone, but now the opportunity
was gone. The same holds true for fear. Most of these
scenarios at night have to do with fears concerning work,
money, relationships or a general fear of inadequacy, or
rejection.
How many of you have gone to bed after seeing or
hearing some terrible story about someone being raped,
robbed, mugged, or killed, and laid wondering what you
would have done in that same situation? How many times
have you played scenarios over in your head where you
were protecting yourself from an assailant, assuring
yourself that you would be ready if the opportunity arose?
It might not even be from hearing about a real murder, but
perhaps one you saw on television. You lay in bed at
night knowing that you would not be vulnerable if put in
the same situation, but would be prepared. These are
fears that you are playing out in your head, preparing your
conscious mind to act if they should materialize into
reality. This is not necessarily a negative thing, if it makes
you feel safer. However, if it keeps you from getting to
sleep and feeling secure, it is a problem.
Sometimes the scenario for me would just be that of
common sense. Such as; how many times in a movie
have you seen someone home alone, they hear a noise,
open the door with no weapon in their hand or means to
protect themselves, and look outside? However, that is
not just on television, but a human condition. We are all
curious, and sometimes our curiosity overwhelms us and
we do stupid things. Thinking about the correct way to
handle the situation, should it arise, is good because then
you are prepared. However, if you find yourself obsessing
over the situation, and still thinking about it long after you
have put it to bed' so to speak, then you are building a
fear and feeding it, perhaps even into reality.
Howard Hughes, one of the richest men in the world,
developed such a fear of germs that he lived the
remainder of his life in total misery. He was secluded
from everyone, and wouldn't allow human touch for fear of
germs. He wore gloves, and had a separate refrigerator
that no one was allowed to touch but him. He was so thin
when he died, some reports said he was a mere 90+
pounds, mainly because of his fear of germs, certainly not
because he couldn't afford food. This man was
considered a genius at one time, and yet he couldn't even
keep his body nourished because of fears that kept him
prisoner.
This is an extreme case, and most of us have never
gone this far. However, we are still letting fear rule our
lives in some aspect or another, even if it is on a much
smaller scale. Always remember, no matter what the
scenario, the fastest way to overcome fear is through
understanding, whether it be of people or the situation.
The final plane we are going to look at, is the spiritual
plane. I think that the main fear on this plane is the fear of
the unknown. We have spent so much of our lives with
the tangible that sometimes it is impossible to accept and
learn from the intangible. We are taught that if we can't
see it, hear it, smell it, taste it or feel it, then it does not
exist. With this kind of education, is it any wonder that
there exists a great fear of the spiritual world?
Let us go to the other extreme for a moment. Most
organized religions have taught more through fear tactics
then through love. There is the hell fire and brimstone
tactic. Then there is the guilt tactic. Let us not forget the
better than other beliefs' one. You know this one, it is the
one where WE' are going to heaven but all of those other
religions are going to hell. Don't underestimate this one, it
is the thing that truly motivated me to look into other belief
systems as a young child. I just could not accept the fact
that my small religious sect (compared to the rest of the
world Assembly of God was small) was the only one going
to heaven. My particular sect preached that all others
were going to hell (it didn't matter that over l/3rd of the
world wasn't even Christian, let alone my particular sect).
There are more myths, folklores, old wives tales, and
out and out lies about the spiritual plane, then on any
other. Is it any wonder that most people are confused and
don't know what to believe? As a result, most people
believe nothing, and are open to everything. This in itself
can make someone pretty fearful. Add to this a natural
fear of death (a fear born with us in order for our species
to survive) and you have the greatest fear known to
mankind; the fear of after death'.
Many books have been written about NDE (near
death experience), movies have been made, and yet there
are no two that are exactly alike. What then are we
supposed to believe? Once again, the only place to look
for your answers are within. The only proof you will ever
need lies within, not without. Don't look towards the
answers of others, but the answers for you.
The amazing thing is (at least I find it amazing) when
it comes to the spiritual plane more people are afraid
about what happens when the body dies and the spirit
leaves it, then they are about the ignorance they have
lived in most of their lives concerning the spirit.
When you stop long enough to realize that the spirit
goes on forever, it puts all of the physical into a totally
different perspective. Life and death are not the main
attractions anymore, but growth and awareness of the
spirit. What have you done for your spirit lately to ensure
its' growth?
There is much that goes on in the spiritual plane that
most people are unaware of. Some people have had
frightening experiences, but most of the time those
experiences are a direct result of them tampering with
something that they have absolutely no idea about. There
are rules on the spiritual plane just as there are for the
physical and mental. One who had never seen a car
before would not just jump behind the wheel and start to
drive (at least to be safe they wouldn't). This would be
considered foolish, as there are certain things to learn
about the car, how to drive it, and the rules needed to
drive safely on the road with others. Why then is the
spiritual taken so lightly?
People have come to me and wanted to learn how to
astrally travel. Most don't want to learn to advance their
spiritual awareness on this physical plane, but want to
learn astral travel because it could be fun' to visit other
places. I will tell you what I tell them. There is a
sequence of life lessons to go through before one is ready
to leave their body for any reason. Skip any of the
lessons, and you put yourself; body, mind and spirit in
danger. This is not a child's game. If you have not come
to grips with yourself and your reality, then you are not
ready to astrally project. If you are not into heavy
meditation, and made contact with your higher self and/or
your spirit guide, you are not ready to astrally project.
This is all I will say on the subject in this book. Most will
not ever face significant danger on the spiritual plane, and
those that do, choose it.
I am going to go into some detail for those with fears
of the spiritual plane. Most people fear this plane
because they do not understand it. Sometimes this fear
can be a great deterrent to your growth. Everyone has
psychic experiences throughout their lives, and as I stated
earlier, are given more than one point of belief. However,
these experiences are ignored or pushed away most of
the time because of fear. For instance, most people have
the feeling at one time or anther that they been
somewhere before, and yet this is the first time they have
visited this place in their physical bodies. Most people
have the experience of thinking of someone, and that
person calls them. Knowing what someone is going to
say before they say it, and the list goes on and on. These
experiences come often in our lives, but once we push
them away they come less and less frequently.
When I was a child I saw auras perfectly clear, and with
color. My parents discouraged this, and knowing that it
displeased them I simply quit seeing auras. My memories
of this are vague, as I was very young. I do know that it
took me time and development to be able to see auras
again when I got older. It was not impossible, just a task
that needed to be relearned.
What is given to us freely when we are young and
accepting can be harder to attain once we close the door
on it. This is true in all things and on all planes. The door
can be reopened through understanding, patience, and
love.
I would now like to talk to those who have had things'
happen to them that they don't understand. This does not
happen too often, and is usually connected with another
spirit that has a link to you in one way or another. Usually
if a spirit is haunting it is a house or object and not a
person. However, spirits are around us at all times and
have been known to attack the weak. Most of these
spirits are what we call earth bound spirits' and are not
strong. They are stuck here because they have not
learned what they need to know before they can move on.
As such, they take great interest in the lives of humans,
attracted by the bodies they no longer have. There have
been cases of possession, however, these only come to a
person of weak spirit, or the weak minded. If you feel you
have this problem you need to seek help.
There are those who delve into things that they do not
understand, and defy any spirit to stop them. This is
foolish. Do not get involved with something you do not
understand. For most these words are unnecessary,
however, for you that read this and understand, take a
kind warning. Ouija Boards are not a game, and should
not be played' with. For those who seriously wish to
speak with spirits through this medium there are books to
give you proper protection; use them. I do not suggest
going this route, but judge no one their methods on the
path. Each must go down their own way. There is much
negative energy in this world, call it to yourself and it will
come, have no doubt. Therefore, be careful what you ask
for, as you may get it and then not know how to get rid of
it.
Finally, there are psychic attacks. I have been
attacked myself more than once. However, know that
these attacks only come when you are aware and strong,
and able to deal with them. They come from people who
are using their powers in a negative way. Be assured
those who use the power they attain in a negative way will
pay, not only through karma, but through the loss of their
power. Do not fear these attacks, because they will not
come unless you are prepared for them spiritually. It is
not a reason to stop learning. They usually only come
when one is ready to take a role of guiding, and are a
good exercise at that time to abolish any fears you have of
the spiritual.
If you feel that you have been attacked, do not seek
revenge. What you can do, which is quite effective, is
send back the energy that was sent to you. If you don't
know how to do this, don't worry, it is because you don't
need to know yet, and aren't being attacked. If you do
know how to do this be careful that you are only sending
back what you were sent, and not intermixing your own
energy with it.
If you are starting on the path you don't have to worry
about most of the above. If you are further down the path
and want more information on the above you can e-mail
me at the address shown on the web site.
Any time you let fear enter on the spiritual plane you
will slow yourself, and your progress down. Sometimes
there are choices we are made aware of through the spirit,
and we turn off the voice within' because we don't want to
make those choices. This generally causes far greater
problems and leads to negative experiences, which are
necessary sometimes to teach the lesson that needs to be
learned. Know that sooner or later the voice will be heard,
and the choice will be presented again, although probably
not in exactly the same way. Know that you cannot run
away from yourself, or the lessons that need to be
learned. Listen and meditate. Nothing will be given to
you that you can't handle. The only time that happens is
when we seek things, and throw ourselves into things, that
we know we shouldn't, but do it anyway.
There is a song here that comes to mind whose
words are very appropriate; "If the signposts are down, the
signals are flashing and the whistle is blowing in vain; if
you stay on the tracks, ignoring the facts, you can't blame
the wreck on the train".
The only true fear that one has to consider is fear of
self. The only person who can truly hurt you, slow you
down, or stop your progress is you. The body does not
matter, for the spirit continues long after it is gone. When
we have overcome the fear of death, our spirit can be free
to become one with the universe. These bodies are only
given for a very short time, and yet we protect them as if
they are going to go on forever, not taking the time to
prepare for certain death by advancing the spirit.
The fears I have covered are not nearly complete. I
have tried to give a general broad idea, but each of us is
unique, and if I have not hit upon your button' it is of no
consequence, as you know what it is, and that is all that is
needed. You can handle it the same as the rest, as there
is a general formula for dealing with fears; great or small,
on all three planes.
HOMEWORK;
1. Make a complete list of your fears, from
small to great. List your fears on all three
planes. You will probably find that some of
your fears overlap the different planes, which
just means that these are more significant and
will need extra work. You will find, however,
that once you have dealt with it on one plane,
it will be easier to deal with on the other planes.
2. Starting with the least, list all the reasons
you have for sustaining your fear. Do this with all
the fears you listed on all the planes. Understand
the fear, and reason with your mind concerning the
fear. Face the fear and work through it. Under-
stand that this does not mean you will never
experience it again, as this is an ongoing pro-
cess. However, you can overcome it one step at
a time and control your own actions, rather than
allowing the fear to control you. Start with the
root of the fear and reason it away.
3. Move through the list and take as much time as
you need for each one. Some will be easy and
some will be much more difficult.
4. When you reach your final fear, which should be
your greatest, take your time and work methodically
and carefully. If you are like most, it will be
the fear of death. Usually this fear is not so
much of the act of death, but what happens after-
wards. It is more a fear of the unknown.
As a final comment I would like to quote Mark Twain
a very great writer; "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery
of fear - not absence of fear". I think that this quote sums
it all up pretty well.....